Evil Is A Matter of Perspective
by corvusdraconis
Summary: [HG/SS] (Crackfic) One day, Ron and Harry decide they are tired of Snape picking on everyone that isn't in Slytherin house and make plans to expose that stupid dungeon bat for what he truly is: EVIL! Things do not end as they had hoped. And where the hell is Hermione! AU/EWE/NC (not even close) [COMPLETE]
1. Chapter 1

**[Summary]** [HG/SS] (Crackfic) One day, Ron and Harry decide they are tired of Snape picking on everyone that isn't in Slytherin house and make plans to expose that stupid dungeon bat for what he truly is: _**EVIL!**_ Things do not end as they had hoped. And where the _**hell**_ is Hermione?! AU/EWE/NC (not even close)

 **A/N:** Um…. I blame…. Cabin fever.

 **Beta Love:** The Dragon and the Rose (may she remain germ-free), Dutchgirl01 (may she be flu-free to everyone but her bosses), and Flyby Commander Shepard (who is, at last tally, disease-free). Ain't the flu season _**GREAT?!**_

 **Evil is a Matter of Perspective**

 _Ignorance, the root and stem of all evil. Plato_

"He's right evil," Ron muttered darkly, stuffing the last of a pastie into his mouth.

Harry could only nod in fervent agreement. "You see how he always picks on anyone who isn't one of his bloody snakes."

"I bet he's really a demon," Ron suggested. "I bet he really, really is."

"Too bad we can't prove it," Harry bemoaned.

A slow, wicked grin spread across Ron's heavily-freckled face. "Who says we can't, Harry?"

Ron pulled out a bundle from his bag.

"What's that?"

"I went digging around in the back room behind the main library at Grimmauld last summer," Ron explained. "And I think I've found something that should do the trick. There was a tag on it that said—" He pulled out a tarnished looking statue. "Reveal thy true face." His face twisted. "It was all in ruddy Latin."

Ron took the statue and polished the tarnished bottom to better read the words, failing to notice the odd glow that was gathering in the statue. "Bah, you can't really make it out."

"You sure that's going to make people realise the truth about Snape?" Harry asked, frowning.

"Afraid he really _**is**_ a big ol' bat?" Ron ribbed, sniggering.

"No!" Harry protested. "Of course not!"

Ron started to read the inscription on the bottom.

"What's that?" Hermione asked, looking over her cauldron.

"Nuthin' you'd care about," Ron said, jerking the statue out of sight and into his lap so he could continue to read it.

"I'd hardly care about your stupid Quidditch memorabilia," Hermione muttered. "We need to be working on our potions."

"Well, maybe _we_ have more important things to worry about," Ron hissed at her.

"Like?" Hermione asked, wrinkling her nose.

"Like finding Wormtail so Harry can have his godfather back!" Ron said, making it sound like an accusation.

"He's still alive and at Grimmauld," Hermione said with a huff. "It's not like he's dead!"

Harry shushed Hermione, scowling fiercely at her. "Shh! You want the whole _**world**_ to know?"

Hermione, chastened, went back to preparing her ingredients and putting them into her cauldron.

Seamus' cauldron exploded nearby, and Neville started fanning the smoke away. Ron started coughing, and he waved his hands around, unintentionally waving the statue around with it.

"Is that a statue?" Hermione asked.

Ron moved it away. "No."

"Let me see that, Ron!"

"No! It's mine!"

"I didn't say I wanted it, I just want to see it!" Hermione said reaching for it.

Snape was coming closer, a frown on his face.

" _ **No!"**_ Ron yelled, pulling it away as Hermione reached for it. But his elbow hit the cauldron with a loud clang. Ron yelped in pain, and his arm came back down, the statue toppling clumsily out of his hands and went tumbling to the flagstone floor.

"Watch out, Ron!" Harry cried, lunging for the statue. They both wrapped their hands around it as they tried to keep it from shattering, tripping over themselves and the table to do it. The cauldron started to burble wildly, and Snape threw over a spell to vanish the potion to keep it from exploding all over the classroom.

Harry and Ron, however, went down together as the statue smashed into the ground with a loud _**THRUUUMMMMM!**_

A shockwave went through the room like a bell, knocking students to the floor as they cried out, clutching their ears, even as Ron's voice emitted from the statue speaking the words that he had had been muttering to himself.

Potions bottles exploded. Storage cabinets burst out. Cauldrons toppled. Children went diving under tables for cover.

And the ceiling came crashing down…

* * *

Dumbledore winced as another horrified scream came from inside the infirmary.

Poppy sighed. "All of our young witches who were wearing cosmetic glamours are having to face some not-so-attractive truths, Headmaster."

"And what is the truth?" Dumbledore asked.

"Acne, warts, bed head, unwanted armpit and body hair for starters," Poppy said with a gusty sigh. "Plus assorted broken bones, a few concussions, and a great many nasty contusions."

Dumbledore found himself pinching the bridge of his nose. "Have we found the cause of this explosion?"

"Most of the students have the same story. Mr Weasley had some sort of object in his hand. Miss Granger wanted to see it. There was a scuffle to keep it away, and then _**boom**_."

"And then… boom," Albus repeated slowly. "And where _**is**_ Severus?"

Poppy made a face. "I had the house-elves take him back to his private quarters and instructed Foggy to inform me of any changes in his condition. I didn't want him out here in the infirmary where all the students could hear him scolding me for being a harpy."

Albus raised a brow.

"He's a _**horrible**_ patient."

Albus made a face but nodded.

Minerva came rushing up. "Poppy, dear, have you treated Miss Granger yet?"

Poppy frowned. "She's not here, Minerva, why?"

Minerva's face was drawn with worry. "She's not in the library, the Gryffindor common room or her dormitory, and no one has seen her since the explosion!"

Poppy shook her head. "Minerva, I swear haven't seen her, and I've seen her enough to know when I haven't seen her."

Minerva gave Albus a frantic look. "Can we use the Trace to find her, Albus? She could be hurt? Buried even!"

Albus frowned, but he pulled out his wand and waved it as he spoke an incantation. His wand glowed, a beam shot out—

And sputtered out into nothingness.

Minerva, Albus, and Poppy all stared in shock.

"What does that mean?" Minerva asked quietly, her face ashen.

Albus, his face going the colour of alabaster, dropped his wand hand, struck speechless.

* * *

For once in his life, Severus awoke in the depths of the dungeons with comfortably warm legs and a pleasing warmth cuddled up against his chest.

Huh?

He looked down to see a tiny reptilian snout open wide to expose rainbow crystalline teeth and a bright blue tongue. A crest of fin-like growths wreathed its head and trailed down its back as leathery wings semi-flopped back against the bed. A long, seemingly prehensile tail curled and uncurled much as a cat would flick its tail.

 _Sleepyhead._

Severus blinked. He looked around. The voice was distinctly feminine, almost familiar, yet warm and lazy in a way he'd expect a cat to sound if it was capable of human speech and was commenting on the warmth of the sunbeam it was laying in.

 _Don't stop rubbing. That feels reeeeeally good._

Severus froze as his hand seemed to have a mind of its own and was rubbing the creature's chin and belly as if of its own volition. He could feel her disappointment, thick enough to cut with a knife, and he instinctively rubbed again— anything to keep that feeling of gross sadness from sinking in and sticking.

 _Mmmmm. I've missed you._

Severus blinked. His eye twitched, and he really, _**really**_ had to relieve himself.

He stood quickly, tromping towards the loo with determination, his brain refusing to process the voice in his head, the flying reptile in his bed, or whatever combination brought those peculiar events together. Vaguely, he remembered that he had forgotten something but not what— Didn't he have class? What class did he have to go to?

Y _ou teach Potions, silly._

That voice again. It was so warm, he couldn't be angry. Why wasn't he angry?

Wait… why was he _**supposed**_ to be angry?

Severus rubbed his head as he walked into the loo and shut the door to relieve himself.

Why was he shutting the door? He lived alone, for Merlin's sake.

He undid his drawstring pajama bottoms, and prepared to do his business when his hands wrapped around something much stranger than usual.

It was fairly normal to do one's business without looking down, and while his bladder was happily emptying regardless of how he felt about it presently, he found himself looking down.

Goat. Legs.

 _I… have goat legs?! Since when?!_

Severus tucked himself back into his pajama bottoms and closed his eyes, counting to ten, looking toward the ceiling.

You know better than to drink whisky right before bedtime, he sternly reminded himself. This is what that gets you. You are hallucinating.

 _ **Clop.**_

His hooves clacked loudly against the tile floor. He looked down again.

 _Goat hooves. Cloven. Shiny. Definitely goat hooves. Goat legs too. He was pretty sure those were goat legs attached to the hooves._

Severus washed his hands and stormed out of the bathroom—

And then backed up to look at the mirror.

A wild mane of glossy black hair framed his face as two large, elegantly curving horns moved around his head in a rather dashing curl of—

 _What the_ _ **fuck**_ _am I thinking?!_

Severus stormed back into his bedroom, hopped back into bed, and pulled the covers back over himself.

 _No more extra-spicy green curry before bed, Severus. Never again, understood?_

He fluffed his pillow and closed his eyes.

A warm body wriggled against him, insinuating itself under his arm and then snuggling up against his chest.

 _You smell soooo good. I missed that too._

Severus opened his eyes and then closed them. _No, I_ _ **refuse**_ _to bow to a mere hallucination._

"Go back to sleep so I can wake up from this bad trip," he ordered his hallucination.

 _Good one, Severus, let's just talk to our hallucinations like a sodding schizophrenic._

Blessed silence.

 _Okay, but when we wake up, can we have blueberry tarts?_

Severus' nose wrinkled, and his ears twitched. He felt them flick against his mane and horns.

Someone was going to pay dearly for this fucking bad trip—

Silence. Thank _**Merlin**_ **.**

 _You curse more than ever before_ , the voice observed with a girlish giggle.

"Will you _**please**_ shut the hell up and let me sleep?!"

The silence was beyond maddening. He almost wanted to start talking to himself just to fill the suddenly empty space. The warm body pressed closer, snuggling, and his arms tightening around it— _her—_ bloody hell.

"Do you have a name, disembodied voice?" he muttered.

 _Hermione._

Severus' hand shot out to open a drawer in his nightstand, then he grabbed a vial, popped the cork off with one finger, and then promptly quaffed it. "Now I _**know**_ I'm bloody knackered. Goodbye, dear hallucination."

The effects of the hangover potion hit him like a rogue bludger straight to the face, and then Severus Snape was out like a light. He snored away as one petite faerie dragon chomped him right on the nose.

 _You'll thank me later. Your memory has always been pants without me._

* * *

 _She stood in the sunlight, golden rays dappling her mane of hair and putting spots on her deer-like hindquarters. Her hair was a bushy poof of greens and golds, much like moss on the tree trunk. Her hands, fingers tapering into delicate claws, gently caressed the trunk of the tree, and the tree burst into bloom, petals slowly drifting in the wind. Her touch always seemed to bring out the life in the forest, and she, much like many of her kind, left life in her wake of her delicate hoofprints._

 _He had always watched her, ever since he was a young faun. It was as if she were the sun and him the moon— he with black fur and her with such golden sunlight on her very hide._

 _His brother, Kander, gloried in the chase when his target gave in to their carnal desires, but this dryad was immune to Kander's charms. If anything, the mythical abilities of the faun seemed utterly lost on her. And Severus—_

 _He had never had eyes for any other than this one, ethereal soul, whose careful tending of her forest sent roots deep into the earth and made everything flourish. Even as a young sprog, she would bring health and growth in every footstep. From the very first time he saw her, he brought her fresh water from the chilled springs in the high mountains, rare fruit from wild brambles, nectar from the pitcher plants in the deep forest, and the softest still-living mosses to line her nesting bowl. He couldn't help but adore her— and if she but gave him but one smile, it was enough._

 _She was looking at him, a merry smile on her face. She pranced around him, draping garlands of vines and flowers around his shoulders and waist. The delicate touch of her hands caused them to bloom— still living, even separated from their mother plant._

 _Kander pranced in bringing her offerings from the lands of humans—crops, wine, and shiny baubles. At first, the shiny things fascinated her, but as she reached her hand toward them, she pulled back as something about them frightened her._

 _Then she was gone._

 _Like a true spirit—_

* * *

" _Show off," Severus chided the faerie dragon as she flitted around him._

You could do it too, you know, _she replied._

" _What if I end up a bloody Barghest?"_

I'd make you look handsome, _she replied, her mind filled with laughter and sunshine._ There are plenty of beautiful leaves and flowers this time of year.

 _Severus scowled. "I am a faun, not a trunk of a tree to be decorated."_

 _She flitted back and forth in the air and—_

 _POP!_

 _She fell into his arms as a winter wreath, complete with shiny garlands and colourful berries._

 _Severus sighed. "This isn't winter."_

It's always winter somewhere. _She giggled and transformed back into a faerie dragon. She flitted about, her wings catching light and colour as the membranes shifted and moved._ Come on, Severus, you know you want to. Fly with me!

" _There is no guarantee I'd be anything that could fly!" he protested._

Should've, would've, could've! _she sang out, flipping and doing a loop-de-loop in the air._ Come on, Severus! Just step out into the moonlight and sing! You don't want to be like Kander who can't be anything different!

" _Maybe he just prefers to keep his hooves on the ground," Severus muttered._

 _Hermione slumped slightly as she flew._ Don't you want to fly with me?

 _Severus shook his head adamantly. "Of course I do!"_

What's stopping you?

 _Severus looked down. "Fear of total humiliation."_

Nonsense. Fauns have no shame. _She chuckled, licking his nose affectionately._

" _This one does," Severus muttered. "I could end up like my aunt whose second form was a Boggart."_

 _Hermione's eyes widened._ Wicked! That would be so much fun!

 _Severus eyed her for a long moment. He swallowed hard and looked up to the moonlight shimmering down into the circle of fungi. The clearing glowed in response to the moon's radiance, and there was no mistake to the power nestled in the ring of multi-coloured mushrooms and toadstools._

" _What if I end up a strix and want to eat people?"_

Eww, _she replied._ I don't think that would be you.

 _Severus took in a deep breath. "You promise you won't make fun of me?"_

 _Hermione shook her head._ Nope!

" _No you won't make fun of me or no you won't promise?"_

Yes.

 _Severus pinched the bridge of his nose. "Dryads." He rocked back and forth on his hooves and then took a deep breath and walked into the magical ring, feeling the pressure change as the energy shifted around him. He took a deep breath—_

 _And sang._

 _Moonlit magic_

 _Come dance with me_

 _Gift me your touch_

 _And set me free._

 _Release me from_

 _The chains of one form._

 _Do grant me another,_

 _Magic-born._

 _The clearing was filled with the glow of moonlight as it seemed to seep through his body and into his very bones. It surrounded him and then seemed to rush in with a great flood, and Severus gave out a cry—_

 _The small faerie dragon did a playful loop-de-loop as the clearing filtered out and became visible again, the traces of magic dampening but not wholly gone. She landed on the ground, her small body changing into that of her true form. Her delicate doe legs pushed up as she stretched, combing her mossy green and gold hair with her hands. She rushed up to the quivering, startled looking black pegasus. His ears were flat against his head and his wings were half-splayed and quivering as his tail swished back and forth wildly._

 _Hermione wrapped her arms around his neck. "You're beautiful! You see! Nothing to worry about!"_

 _Severus' eyes went wide, but the feel of her arms around his neck brought strength into body he didn't know he had. He snuffled her, his velvet nose playing with the curls of her mane of hair._

 _Hermione giggled, prancing in place, her tail erect and floofy with excitement._

I am a mutant horse, _Severus' voice bemoaned._

" _You're the most handsome pegasus of the forest!" Hermione replied. Her hands combed his mane, and where her fingers touched, flowers bloomed with delicate vines, peppering his dark mane with delicate moonflowers. "And you have wings! Just like you wanted!"_

 _Severus tried to be pouty, but the feel of her hands rubbing his ears made shivers of pleasure drive out every piece of vocabulary he had on standby._ Nnnnngngggh, _he managed to say, causing her to giggle oh so sweetly into his neck as she hugged him._

 _As she tried to step away, his head and neck curved around her and pulled her back._ Get on. If I'm going to make a fool of myself, it better be with you on my back.

 _Hermione beamed at him and leapt on with no hesitation. She wrapped her arms around his neck as he unfolded one wing and the other, rearing a little to pump them up and down. He took off in a run, awkwardly on four legs instead of two, but gradually became smoother. He spread his wings, and they seemed to grow even larger as the draft carried them up into the air even faster._

" _Eeeeeeeeeee!" Hermione said with glee, hugging tight to his neck and rubbing his smooth fur with her hands._

 _Suddenly, the very sky was no longer limiting, and the pegasus went into a sky-gallop as his great wings blotted out the moonlight below. He tore off over the forest canopy with his passenger in tow._

 _There was no one else, not that night. Only one faun in the shape of a pegasus and a young dryad on his back and the mutual ecstasy of a freedom of both sky and the forest below._

* * *

 _Severus looked up to see the stars twinkling above. Pastel petals from the flowering trees slowly drifted across his vision, illuminated only by moonlight._

" _I like that one," his companion said, pointing one hand up to the sky. "It looks like a great tree with a dragon in it. Like me."_

" _You're not always a dragon," Severus snorted, rubbing one hoof up and down his calf to itch it._

" _I like being a dragon. It's my favourite."_

" _Most dryads like looking female."_

" _I am female."_

" _I mean a woman."_

" _But I'm a dryad."_

" _You know what I mean!" he huffed._

" _Good thing too. Look at how hard you work to find vocabulary."_

 _Severus turned to stare at her, and she beamed back at him, her feminine face framed in a mane of bushy green and gold hair— the colour of vibrant moss. "Must you always be so difficult?"_

" _Must you always forget things?"_

 _Severus sighed. "I can't help it. I forget things when you aren't around to bite them back into me."_

" _Fauns are so silly. They only have so much room for memories," she replied. "Where would you be without me?"_

" _Lost somewhere," Severus admitted. "Trying to remember what I forgot."_

" _Everything," she said teasingly._

" _Never you," he said adamantly._

" _Psh," she answered. "You'd forget me too if I didn't bite your nose occasionally."_

 _Severus shook his head. He pressed his palm to her cheek, brushing it. "I found a huge tree that could be a home tree," he said. "I think you'd like it."_

 _She perked, eyes widening. "Truly?"_

 _Severus nodded._

 _She looked up again. "I like this forest. Are you sure I'd like it?"_

 _Severus nodded. "I think you'd love it."_

 _She snuggled into him. "As long as you're there," she said._

 _Severus scoffed. "Always. I don't know what you're going on about. One day we'll have little sprogs flitting about and making hay like we did as kids."_

 _She looked down, frowning. "Do you think—"_

" _Often."_

" _I mean, would you—"_

" _Make passionate love to you here under the stars? Of course."_

" _Severus!"_

" _What?"_

 _She huffed. "You're such a faun."_

 _He puffed his chest. "Don't you find me acceptable?"_

 _She slid her eyes sideways. "Possibly. You need more green in your hair."_

" _I am not a sloth!"_

" _Your memory is a sloth!"_

 _Severus glowered, but she beamed at him, mischief twinkling in her eyes. "We could, you know. Make the bond. Be together forever. Travel the world's forests like our parents did. Father said his memory got better when he bonded to mum."_

 _She itched her legs, her delicate hoof stretching idly over the fur on her leg. "Fauns take forever to decide," she said. "Look at Kander. He's been pouncing on both fair maidens AND males and encouraging their lust for untold centuries now."_

" _My brother is an utter imbecile," Severus sniffed. "He wouldn't know the best thing in his ruddy life if it literally bit him on the nose."_

" _I bite you on the nose."_

" _And I know you're the one, don't I?"_

" _Do you?"_

 _Severus frowned. "You truly doubt me?"_

" _Fauns live life in the moment. Dryads seek the future," she said sombrely as she looked up to the stars. "Tomorrow, you could meet some human woman and fall in love— like the fauns of old. Following them to the ends of the Earth and pining for them for the rest of your life when they die."_

" _The only way I would ever be stupid enough to fall for a human woman would be if someone destroyed every memory of you, and long as you are around to bite me on the nose, that won't ever happen," he said adamantly._

 _He leaned over her, pressing his lips to hers. "Will you consider it?"_

" _Biting you on the nose? Okay."_

 _He sighed. "I don't want some human woman. I don't want another dryad. I don't want a water nymph, undine, elf, overgrown fairy, naiad, Nereid, mermaid, or sodding banshee. It's you. It's alway been you. Please. Consider it? Be my mate. For now. For always."_

" _What will our parents think?"_

" _That it is about sodding time," Severus muttered. His brows furrowed. "Please? Tell me you'll consider it?"_

" _Yes." She touched his cheek tenderly._

" _Yes, you'll consider it?"_

 _She turned into a faerie dragon and bit him on the nose. "I'll be your mate, if you can remember me in the morning." She changed back, eyes twinkling._

 _He smiled as his mouth met hers in a passionate kiss. "I'll gather the offerings for the Rite," he said._

* * *

 _Severus carried his basket close to his body. The softest moss and spidersilk lay within with the brightest shiniest stones and berries he could find. Glowing, golden pears, various nuts, forest berries, and especially all the fruits that grew out of season due to the young dryad's blessing on her forest. All were a testament to her loving tending and boundless love of life._

 _Folded in the basket was a soft, fur blanket, woven together from the shed donations from many of the woolier forest animals, all of which gladly donated to the cause. Severus had worked on it for weeks, twisting the warm wool with his fingers onto a spindle and then weaving it into a blanket fit for a dryad. Forest birds had come to him with shiny things they had found on their flights. Unicorns had allowed him to comb their manes and tails for hairs after they dipped their horns into the spring water he had gathered to purify it. So much love had gone into the gathering, and it was as it should be. It was as if the entire forest knew that soon they would be bound to the forest for all time._

 _And what forest wouldn't want a happy dryad watching over them? The unicorns had come out of hiding for her sake. The darkness of the forest loomed less oppressively, for even it seemed to desire her touch to tend the thorns and brambles as lovingly as the trees and animals. She could make her nest in darkness or light, and both would curl around her as protectively as a mother beast— for without her, his Hermione, the forest would mourn and those like him would forget._

 _The life would fade from the forest, leaving it— mundane and unmagical._

 _He, and those like him, would forget how things were and should be. The animals would fight each other. The humans would lose all respect for the forest, forgetting its magic and beauty. The magic would become a myth. They would all become… myth._

 _Stories to tell the young at bedtime to wonder and scare but not to believe._

 _Severus clutched his basket tightly._

 _It would take a month of sleep in a new tree's embrace before his Hermione would wake. Meanwhile, he would tend the tree, leave the offerings, and wait for her. It could not be rushed. She had to gain permission from the old tree to move to a new one, and trees spoke as the mountains moved, on their own time and as they wished it. Meanwhile, Hermione would remain in the tree's loving embrace as they moved mountains of their own, for her._

 _A younger dryad would most likely take up Hermione's old tree, having large hoofprints to fill, but he knew Dryads were not about competition. Her kind were about tending the lands and frolicking in the places they lived. When they flourished, so, too, did the forest. If anything, the new dryad would appreciate the love Hermione had put into it, knowing they were coming home to a place that had never lacked love._

 _As Severus carefully placed the colourful items around the trunk of the tree, he gently draped the blanket over a nearby branch along with a string of nuts that clacked together with a pleasant tink. He placed his hand on the trunk of the great tree that had enveloped Hermione for her bonding sleep. When she woke, she would emerge, renewed, and they would step into the magical circle together to be bound as mates for as long as the sun rose and set._

 _He could wait just a little longer._

* * *

 _Agony._

 _Pain._

 _Pain unlike anything he'd ever felt before._

 _His legs were bound! His arms were pinned!_

 _The forest. Why couldn't he feel the forest's touch all around him?_

 _Why couldn't he see? NO! What was going on?!_

" _Bind him well. We will need his power to stand with the Dark Lord."_

" _Are you sure this will work?"_

" _It is the Old Ways," the voice said. "We will bind him here, and his magic will empower our home and our family for all time, passed down from first born to first born until all the families are dust."_

" _What if something happens to it?"_

" _Nothing will happen to it, for it will be bound, here, where no one will ever think to find it. The superstitious heathens down there will merely believe the place to be haunted. Dumblefool supposedly bought this place, but no one dares to come in and use it."_

 _Severus let out a shriek of agony, and the very walls of the place shook. Dark wards flared in response and bound him tighter. A beam of energy shot out from the center of the circle and split off, making the man and his companion glow._

" _I can feel the magic's power, my wife. Don't you?"_

" _Yes, husband."_

" _Our firstborn shall be greatly improved to stand against what is coming, and our line shall remain strong," the man said with pride. "Come, let us leave this dusty old waste bin as this creature makes us the strongest family in Britain."_

 _They shuffled out together, even as Severus strained and screamed as he tried to escape the bindings._

" _Wherever did you find that filthy goatman, Orion?" the woman asked with a sniff of disdain._

" _The stupid filth was collecting these useless things in a basket," he scoffed. He picked the basket up off the nearby shelf and threw it into the fire where it slowly burned to ash. "Meaningless baubles."_

 _As the couple left, Severus' head turned towards the sound of the burning things— his eyes still blindfolded. His ears focused on the burning embers that turned his beloved berries, flowers, and found treasures to ash. His nostrils flared as he recognised the scents. Two trails of tears flowed down his cheeks as his wails of grief shook the walls of the human structure._

* * *

" _I'm sorry, my boy, but the only way to release you from this prison is to do something rather drastic," a voice said._

 _Severus's ears flicked, the words making no sense to him at all. Where was he? Why was it so dark? Why couldn't he move?_

 _Had he been here long? He couldn't remember. Was this home? Where was home?_

" _The spells they used to bind you rely on your being… not human."_

 _Again the strange words from a different voice. Who was that? What was going on? Was his brother playing some sort of trick on him? He_ _ **did**_ _have a brother, right? What was his name?_

" _I'm sorry, but you'll have to do a little growing up again, my boy," the voice said. "Hopefully somewhere far from here."_

" _Are you ready, Miss Prince?"_

" _I'm ready, Albus."_

" _You're sure you can do this? Take him somewhere far from here? Far from Britain? It must be far from Britain. Until he comes of age. Promise me, Miss Prince."_

" _I promise! I'll take him away from here— from Britain!"_

 _Severus heard a grunt and then—_

 _Agony._

 _Gut-twisting, limb tearing, agony._

 _He screamed. His body. What was happening to him?_

 _He was on fire. He was ice cold. He was being torn asunder._

 _No!_

 _What was happening?!_

 _He screamed. He screamed. He screamed!_

" _Whaaaaaaaahuh. WAAAAHHHHHH!" A black-haired baby screamed his tiny lungs out in the circle of blood._

 _Dumbledore hurriedly picked up the baby and wrapped him in his outer robe. He thrust it into the witch's arms with a bag of coins. "Here, take this to cover your travel. Remember. He must be taken far from Britain or unspeakable pain will come to us— especially if the Black family realises their servant has been freed. You must keep him out of their sight. Do you understand?"_

 _The witch was cooing at the baby, who was staring up at her with a puzzled expression._

" _Miss Prince!"_

" _Yes, I will!" she said. "But are you sure he has to be—"_

" _He must! The magic that holds him as human cannot wear off quickly if he is forced to remain in Britain. For his sake and ours, he must leave. My contact will meet you in Wales, where he will boat you to an outside connection to America. You have enough in this pouch to pay any fares and purchase whatever supplies you may need on the way as well as passage back. Now,_ _ **go!**_ _Time is of the essence."_

 _The young witch wrapped her arms around the swaddled baby and fled the shack as Dumbledore closed his eyes and began the very intricate incantations to dismantle the warmachine the Black Family had constructed just outside Hogsmeade._

* * *

" _Severus, why do you think your father is so mean?"_

 _Severus lay on his back looking up into willow tree. "I dunno, Lily. When he drinks, he sometimes says he never should have turned the boat back to England for mum, but I have no idea what he meant by it," he said. "Far as I know, we've always been in Britain."_

 _Severus looked up into the trees, and for a moment, he thought he saw something staring at him from a high branch— something with wings and a tail. When he blinked, it was gone._

* * *

 _The scuffle had been short, ending with Severus holding a bloody nose and Sirius Black looking victorious. Filch had broken up the fight, but Black looked on hatefully, focused on Snape like he an affront to everything._

" _You stay away from us, Snivellus!" James hissed. "The only good Slytherin is a dead Slytherin. That's what my dad says."_

" _Can't make up your own decisions, Potter?" Severus retorted._

" _I'm going to kill you!" Black hissed, launching himself at Snape again—_

 _And he crashed into Dumbledore, who looked down at Sirius with icy eyes._

 _Sirius backpeddled, wiping his bloody hand over his mouth. His eyes widened suddenly, and he looked down at the blood, confused._

 _Dumbledore narrowed his eyes. "Mr Black I want you to report to Professor McGonagall for detention. "Mr Snape, please go to the infirmary to have that looked at."_

* * *

" _Watch this, guys," Sirius said. Sirius' smile was utterly malicious. He poked himself with a sharp point and let some of his blood drip. "Snivellus, go dance on the table."_

 _An alarmed Severus Snape soon found himself dancing on the Slytherin table in the Great Hall while children laughed and pointed at him._

" _Wicked, mate," James cried, hooting with laughter._

" _What else can you make him do?" Peter asked, grinning madly._

 _Sirius smiled. "I'm not sure, but I'll think of something."_

 _Meanwhile, Severus Snape stared a hole at where Sirius Black was sitting, his eyes filled with pure hate._

* * *

 _Severus sighed as he sat alone during the Christmas holidays, unmourned. He tried to busy himself and enjoy the fact that the other students were gone and gave him peace and quiet, but he was restless. He walked out into the common room to try and relax there, but there were people there making hay and being loud. Disgusted, he stormed back into the dormitory._

 _A gaily wrapped present sat on his bed._

 _He looked around. He tugged the ribbon, and he thought he heard a soft giggle. He opened the lid and gasped as the box was filled with shiny stones, berries, and the present of all presents, a soft woven Slytherin scarf and mittens. He stroked the scarf with his hands and quickly put it on, savouring the soft warmth. He snuggled into his pillow and enjoyed the feeling of the unaccustomed comfort._

 _As he fell into a drowsy sleep, he didn't even notice that the scarf blinked and curled around him with a seemingly loving fondness._

* * *

 _Sirius nudged James with his elbow as Lily reamed them all for mistreating her friend. He stuck a pin into his finger and let the blood drip to the ground._

" _Call her a Mudblood, Snivellus," he whispered._

 _Severus' face twisted in pain as he turned red in the face. "Why would I need help from a Mudblood like you?" he blurted out._

 _As Lily stormed off, kicking dirt into Snape's face, James and Sirius smirked and shook hands behind their backs._

* * *

 _Severus stormed into the dorm as other students stumbled out of the way, not wanting to get in his path of ire. He flopped on the bed and threw his book bundle to the floor, too irritated to care._

Stupid, fucking Black.

Make me write shite I didn't want to write.

Makes me break my best quills in front of Slughorn.

Make me hump the banister in front of Gryffindor's common room like a bloody pervert.

I hate him.

I hate him!

 **Plink.**

Huh?

 _Severus halted his mental diatribe to look to where the sound was. He sat up and looked towards the "window" where the Black Lake replaced any view of the sky or the forest. He thought he saw something moving in the dark water, but when he blinked, it was gone._

 _As he stood to look closer, his hand brushed against something on his desk._

 _Blink._

 _He stared._

 _A beautiful owl quill the like he had never seen— wrapped in what seemed like vines. The tip was dipped in silver, making it look like moonlight. No, what was that? He peered closer. The tip was formed of crystal that held the stars within its shape. He had never seen such a thing, ever. Surely, it would have cost more than a wand—_

 _Had Lucius heard already of his humiliation?_

 _Regulus?_

 _He pet the quill with a shaky, revenant hand. He picked it up and pressed his face to the quill, drawing it across his face._

 _It smelled like the forest._

* * *

" _Go to the Whomping Willow and follow the trail, Snivellus. All will be revealed."_

 _Severus tried to fight it, but his legs moved without his permission, carrying him towards the path towards the Whomping Willow._

* * *

" _You think you're so cool, Snivellus? Why don't you just march right up and sign up to be a Death Eater. Show them how good you are. Prove yourself a badass. Show us all that you're nothing but a follower."_

* * *

" _Please, they must be moved!"_

" _So you can betray them? I don't think so."_

" _They will be killed!"_

 _Sirius snarled at him, scraping his hand against the brick and drawing blood. "Snivellus, I don't want you to talk to the Potters about it. Why don't you go—"_

" _Please. Black! This is important!"_

" _Go walk yourself to Hogwarts, Snivellus. Try to get him to believe your Death Eater arse. Plead your case with him. Grovel. Expose all your dirty deeds."_

 _Severus snarled at him as his feet carried him towards Hogwarts, his arms stiff to his side._

* * *

" _Everything I ever cared about is gone, and it's YOUR fault!" Sirius had Severus by the throat, shoving him into the side of the wall. "They're dead because of YOU!"_

" _Tried. Warned. You," Snape choked out, his black eyes filled with despair. He didn't even struggle, his heart too broken to put up a fight._

" _I'm going to take you in to the Aurors and have you hanged or you'll spend your life in Azkaban where you belong!"_

 _Severus choked a laugh. "Go ahead. Have them read all of my memories. Have them read all the things you had me do but forced me not to say anything. Have them see you smearing your blood all over to compel me to do all the things you thought a good little Death Eater would do."_

 _Black's face grew red with fury as he punched Severus to the face. "I will end you, Snivellus. You've been a bane to everything! I see you, and all I want to do is make you suffer. I rid myself of you, and at least my friends will be at peace."_

 _Severus' black eyes burned a hole through Sirius. "Tell me, what lets you sleep at night? What let you send me away instead of warning your supposed friends? Why even risk it not being true? You did this."_

" _No! You think I'm stupid?! Peter agreed with me. It wasn't just ME!"_

" _Trust him, do you? Where is he now, while you are trying to get away with murder?"_

 _Black's face twisted in conflict. He snarled, crushing Severus' throat as he took out his wand and jabbed it into the other wizard's throat. "CRUCIO!"_

 _Snape's body spasmed and convulsed, his hands curled into fists as his body dealt with the pain— but his eyes looked into Sirius with undying hate and accusation. He spat out blood on the street. "Now. Who's. The Dark wizard?"_

 _Sirius, shaking with rage, thrust the wand into Severus' neck and—_

 _A blur of colour smashed into Sirius, a bundle of fangs, claws, and wings. Claws and teeth slashed into Sirius' face._

 _SKIRRKKK!_

 _Sirius' hand locked around the dragonet's throat. "Hiding your toys from me, Snivellus?" Blood dripped down his face as jagged cuts zigzagged across his skin. His left eye was swollen shut where the faerie dragon's claws had raked across it. She let out a piercing scream that shattered the nearby windows._

" _Hey, what's going on?"_

" _Did you hear that?"_

" _It sounded like a child!"_

 _Sirius' fist clenched, and the faerie dragon desperately clawed and tried to bite him. Magic was surging through her small body as she pulled on the very life around her. The wind began to rise and blow. The skies began to darken steadily— as if the very heart of nature was displeased._

 _Suddenly, Sirius seemed to realise something in that moment, and he crushed his fingers around the delicate creature's body as he drew his wand and jabbed it into its throat. "I think I finally understand something my father told me when I was a child." He smiled cruelly. "I've spent all my life trying to show the world your evil, but what I should have done was take your power for my own. This— thing— is connected to you. I've always been really good about seeing such things. Where power flows. Where it doesn't. And now, I will disconnect it—and you, Snivellus, will be done."_

 _Sirius clenched the dragon's body, and it gave a choking wheeze._

 _A clang came from around the corner as someone tripped over some some clutter in the alley as they peeled around the corner._

 _Sirius' head jerked up as he saw Peter Pettigrew standing there, his hands pulled up, rat-like, as his face twitched. Something passed through Sirius, perhaps the dawning of realisation or perhaps some other, larger grudge._

" _You," he spat venomously. He trembled with rage, and in a moment of equal hatred for Severus, drew a ring on the ground and slammed the broken body of the faerie dragon down into it._

" _No forest or nature around here can reach it, Snivellus. Have fun watching it die while I entertain my old friend, Wormtail," he snarled as he took off after Pettigrew, screaming threats and insults._

 _Snape crawled over to the circle Sirius had put down, his expression, confused and pained. He clutched his chest as he moved across the pavement, and he tried to touch the circle of magic to reach the wounded creature within._

 _Snape cried out in agony as Black's hatred-fueled blood magic tore into his body and tortured him yet again. The creature inside struggled to move, throwing herself against the circle again and again, damaging herself even more— breaking herself even more. Her delicate wings were in tatters. Her body was bent. She was struggling to breathe._

" _Stop, please!" Snape pleaded, his fingers reaching inexorably for the barrier._

 _The faerie dragon whimpered, trying to crawl to him, her pain-filled eyes meeting his._

" _Hermione?" he whispered, feeling for the first time in what seemed like forever the pain of more than himself. Images came to him—of her bringing him a bottle when his drunken father was too knackered to do it, of her rocking his crib and humming him to sleep, of her curling up around his neck when he was sleeping to help keep him warm, of her turning herself into a warm scarf, of her sneaking him fresh fruits and berries from the forest to keep him from going hungry, or handcrafting him a quill, sneaking him coins into his pocket so he could buy things he needed, cleaning his books after they were dropped into the mud, and so much more._

 _She had been with him— always._

 _How had he not known?_

 _How in the world had he forgotten her?_

" _Hermione," he whispered, thrusting his hand into the barrier to touch her, gritting through the agony as his finger wrapped around her battered muzzle. Her small tongue darted out and licked him before the pain became too much for Severus and he had to pull away. The joy that filled him the moment he touched her was beyond anything he could fathom— and he remembered. He remembered everything._

 _But, it didn't last. The barrier arced into him and he went flying against the nearby building. He let out a last, painful wheeze as his eyes glazed over, and he slumped._

 _Cut off from both Severus and her forest, Hermione whimpered, unable to heal herself, unable to shift, unable to flee. The wizard's Dark blood magic bound her to the cold, unforgiving constructs of man where the roots and dirt barely met and not enough to help her. She wanted to return to the forest where she belonged._

 _Crack!_

 _Crack!_

 _Dumbledore and Minerva arrived shortly after._

 _Dumbledore looked from one to the other. "Minerva, take Severus to Poppy. Quickly. I'll deal with our unfortunate friend."_

" _Oh my goodness," Minerva gasped. "Is that?"_

 _Dumbledore shook his head grimly. "Not for long, if I do not act quickly. Take Severus to the infirmary, and I must ask you not to attempt to ask him anything, as it will only frustrate him."_

" _You're not going to—"_

" _No, Minerva," Dumbledore assured her. "The only thing that can help him now is time, and time is what our little friend here does not have. Please, Minerva. Trust me now. Take him and go."_

 _Minerva flattened her lips but nodded, wrapping her arm around Severus and disappearing with a crack._

 _Dumbledore reached his hand out to the barrier, wincing as it arced out to zap him soundly. He narrowed his eyes at the blood circle. "I should have dealt with you long ago, Mr Black. I mistakenly believed that because you were Sorted to Gryffindor, that you were the sole redeemable member of your bloodline, but clearly I was wrong. Karma will find you one dark and dreary night, sooner or later— that, my boy, I can promise you."_

 _Dumbledore put up his wand and pulled out another— a wand seemingly honeycombed like the burls on a tree, suggesting a long, skeletal finger. He traced a complex series of runes in a ring._

" _I am sorry, little friend, but to release you, I fear I must change you into something you are not," he said rather grimly. "But I promise you, you will find each other again. I am just sorry it cannot be now, for I must preserve what you are now— weaker and fragile— into a matching form. As you grow, your power will grow. You will remember who and what you really are, and he will be waiting for you— even if he doesn't know he is. I feel I must apologise for not having taken him out of Britain so long ago— had I done so, perhaps you would be together already."_

 _Dumbledore closed his eyes as Fawkes landed on his shoulder. He dipped down his head as a tear trailed down his beak and landed in the wizard's palm. Dumbledore felt his own tear trickle down his cheek and splash down into his palm to mix with it. Magic trembled as the combined tears streamed down his hand and down the length of his wand. He traced the symbols Sirius had scrawled as the tears filled up the blood markings—_

 _A blast of magic swallowed up the circle, and there was a cry from within._

 _A young child's cry._

 _As the brightness cleared, Dumbledore looked down upon a naked toddler of perhaps two, her tiny fists balled up as she yanked on her magic-frizzled hair that had transformed into a wild bush of untamed unruliness. She screamed, floods of tears streaming down her little red face._

 _Dumbledore reached in and picked her up, moving his head back as she tried to sock him in the eye and get her feet tangled into his beard. He struggled with the child until Fawkes dangled a glowing fruit in front of the child. She instantly stilled and gazed upon it with wonder, reaching out to grab it and immediately stuck it in her mouth and sucked on it._

 _Dumbledore sighed and summoned his Apparate with a crack._

" _I could have sworn—" a voice said._

" _The cries came from down this alley— I think."_

" _There's nothing here, mate."_

" _It was a child screaming, I swear it!"_

" _I believe you, but there is no child here."_

" _Let's keep on looking."_

 _As the people went to another alleyway, the glowing runes of the broken circle faded away into nothing._

* * *

" _I don't understand why I'm even here!" Severus snapped, crossing his arms over his chest with a curl of his lips._

" _Severus—" Minerva said. "You were hurt very badly last night, don't you remember?"_

" _Do you think I would be saying I didn't understand why I was here if I knew why I was here?!" he groused._

 _Minerva frowned. "Severus, you—"_

" _Are very fortunate to be alive," Dumbledore stated quietly as he walked in, his arms tucked behind his back._

" _Headmaster?" Severus frowned._

" _When you are feeling up to it, my boy, I think it's about time we discussed you assuming the duties of Potions Master here at Hogwarts," he said._

" _You waste no time, old man," Severus snarled. "The dirt on the Potter's graves have barely settled, and you already wish to—"_

" _Severus," Albus responded briskly, his lips pressed together. "You will remember our agreement."_

 _Severus twitched. "I remember."_

" _Albus—" Minerva began._

 _Albus shook his head slowly at her._

 _Severus scowled, brushing by them both. "Fine, I'll be in your office." He whirled and disappeared out the infirmary door._

" _Albus—" Minerva said, her face wrinkled in conflict._

 _Albus put a hand on her shoulder. "Some things must be as they are until the time is right. When, I do not know, but when it comes, there will be a reckoning of which neither of us can or should then, we can only hope that Tom doesn't kill us all first."_

 _Minerva closed her eyes and shook her head. "I don't like it, Albus. Who was the monster who hurt him to begin with?"_

 _Albus placed a Daily Prophet on the nearby vacated bed._

 _ **Sirius Black Sent to Azkaban For Murder of 16 Muggles!**_

 _Minerva stared at the parchment in sheer disbelief as her fingers curled into a talon-like fist._

* * *

Sirius Black woke to a problem.

A rather _furry_ problem.

Moony stood on top of him, his lips pulled back in a ferocious snarl. Before he could utter a single word or even cast a spell, Moony's fangs flashed and sank deep into Sirius' shoulder.

Black screamed in pain as dark rivulets of blood streamed down his arm.

He heard a werewolf's savage howl of victory even as he threw himself into the floo and yelled, "Dumbledore's office!"

As Sirius disappeared through the floo, "Moony" turned into a small faerie dragon. Hermione's shimmering wings glowed as she performed a loop-de-loop and flew joyfully about the room in flawless figure eights. A dark-maned faun stepped out of the shadows, his eyes glowing with green fire. His lips turned up into a wicked smirk. "I haven't forgotten you, Mr Black, and neither has she."

The little faerie dragon zoomed around Grimmauld place, and roots and vines began to burst from the ground and take it over. Flowers bloomed. Wild fruiting vines erupted into growth, quickly covering up the Black family portraits, and water pooled up to form a lily pond and fountain filled with fish, frogs and all manner of aquatic and semi-aquatic life, smack in the middle of the old house.

The central fountain sculpture looked unnervingly like a nude Regulus Black depicted as a cupid, complete with bow, cherub wings, and a fig leaf discreetly covering his masculine assets.

* * *

"Lovely decor," Remus commented idly as he sat down on a surprisingly comfy moss-covered armchair surrounded by tangled tree roots.

"How could you _**do**_ that to me, Moony?"

"Pardon?"

"You _**bit**_ me!"

"Pardon?"

" _ **YOU BIT ME!"**_

"No, mate, I most assuredly did _**not**_ ," Remus shot back, appalled.

"I'd know you anywhere, Moony. You have have a very distinctive scar on your muzzle and that star-shaped patch of white fur on your—"

Remus shot him a _look_. "Mate, it wasn't me."

"So there is another werewolf out there that did _**this?!"**_ Sirius yelled angrily, yanking down his shirt to expose his scarred shoulder.

Remus snorted, brows furrowing. "Unless you think I'd break out of a holding cell guarded by Auror Tonks, mate, you're completely mental."

Sirius blinked. "You're— that _**can't**_ be."

"I don't roam free on moon nights, Padfoot. Never again. Not after I almost killed someone."

"Snivellus _**deserved**_ it!"

" _ **NO ONE**_ deserves this curse, Padfoot," Remus bit out coldly. "And to be torn to bloody pieces by a werewolf— no. Just… no."

Sirius jerked back. "Moony—"

Remus held up a hand. "Just— look… it wasn't _**me**_ , Padfoot. You'll have to blame some other werewolf, if it even was one."

"I damn well _**know**_ what a werewolf looks like!"

Remus just shrugged. "I have no idea what you really know after you just accused me of biting you when I most assuredly did not!" He sighed and leaned on one of the fountain cupids as he sprawled. "I guess we'll see for sure come the next full moon. Better seal off your doors and windows, though." Lupin looked out the window. "Trust me when I say if that if there _**is**_ a way out, the wolf will find it. That includes climbing up a chimney and getting stuck inside it."

Sirius blinked.

Remus looked up. "Not one of my most proud moments."

* * *

 _ **Sirius Black Spotted Howling at the Moon in London, Completely Starkers**_

 _The infamous escaped convict, Sirius Black, was spotted baying at the moon and running amok throughout downtown London totally starkers, scaring many innocent Muggles and causing much overtime for our Ministry Obliviation teams. The rather shocking sighting, which were widely recorded on various Muggle objects called "mobiles" and "video cameras" spread Black's mad antics all over the Muggle evening news programmes long before the Ministry was informed of the situation. Even so, it took days before they realised that the "nutter" in question was none other than Sirius Black._

 _Sightings of Mr Black have been few and far between ever since the incident in question. Some say that it was an elaborate prank staged by someone with Metamorphmagus abilities as it would be frankly suicidal as well as incredibly stupid for someone attempting to hide from the Aurors to go howling around London and bringing undue attention to himself._

 _People are reminded to owl or Patronus the Office of Magical Law Enforcement immediately if they should happen to spot Sirius Black or have any information with regard to Black's possible whereabouts._

* * *

 _ **Residents of Grimmauld Place in Islington Swear Their Street is Haunted**_

 _No one believed Mrs Bettina Weatherby when she claimed her house was haunted, but now people are starting to believe her. Grimmauld Place residents have been reporting a number of strange incidents including plaster falling, dishes rattling, mad howling, and loud thumps in the night, yet when they attempt to locate the source of the disturbances, it's like it's been coming out of thin air._

 _Some people believe that someone may have trapped their dog in one of the flats, but officials sent to investigate report that they have found nothing to explain it._

" _It's downright creepy is what it is," Mr Solomon Gatesford told our reporters. "It's like an episode on one of those ghost hunting shows, only it's real and happening to our entire street."_

 _Gatesford's young son, Aaron, age 5, whispered to a reporter, "there is a naked man that runs across our paintings sometimes. It makes my mummy blush."_

* * *

Harry put down the newspaper and frowned.

"What are you reading, mate?" Ron asked.

"Muggle news," he said. "Grimmauld was in the news again."

"Again?" Ron whispered uneasily. "Isn't Sirius—"

Harry gave Ron a look.

Ron looked down at his chicken wings. "I really wish we could get in touch with him. Spending detention with Filch every bloody night isn't helping us to get him out of there. Maybe he's just going stir crazy!"

Harry shook his head. "He probably is. We're going stir crazy, and we aren't stuck in a ruddy house all the time. At least he has Buckbeak. And I think Remus visits him."

"We need to get out of this detention every night business so we can figure out how to get Wormtail. Catch him and your godfather is free and clear."

"I'm not sure if there _**is**_ a way out of this," Harry pointed out. "We almost killed people caving in that classroom. They won't even let me in to see Hermione, and Snape—"

"Good riddance," Ron hissed. "I like Slughorn way better than greasy old Snape anyway."

"But we almost _**killed**_ Hermione!" Harry protested.

"She should have kept her bloody mitts off my stuff!"

"It wasn't even your statue!"

"What? You on _**her**_ side now? You think she's right?"

"I'm saying that if you'd just let her see the bloody thing, the classroom probably wouldn't have gotten blown up and we wouldn't have everyone in Gryffindor thinking we didn't give a rat's arse if we blew up our own housemates too!"

Ron shook his head and turned away, choosing to carry on stuffing his face rather than listening to Harry anymore. "What _ever_ , mate. Even Sirius thought it was worth it to get one over on old Snape."

"You didn't tell him about that statue you nicked, did you?" Harry asked, frowning.

"No, why? He said we could do whatever we wanted with any stuff in that room when we slept there that night."

"I don't think he meant that we could take it," Harry pointed out. "He might be pretty mad that you used one of his family heirlooms on Snape."

"I think he'd give us a ruddy medal," Ron said with a sniff. "Besides, it's not like he couldn't just buy a newer statue. That other one needed some serious polish."

Harry frowned deeply. "Somehow I don't think Dumbledore believed you when you said it was it was purely accidental. Why else would be keep us from seeing Hermione?"

Ron shrugged. "Maybe he knows she's just a nosy little bint." He reached out blindly to the nearby basket of lemon-ginger creams and then let out a terrified scream as the biscuits instantly sprouted eight hairy legs and scurried over him. He started beating on himself, throwing things everywhere, covering most of the Gryffindor table with fish and chips, chicken wings, sausage rolls, pork pies and an entire serving bowl of mushy peas.

"Ron, I swear to _**Merlin**_ , I'm going to beat your ruddy face in with with my chair if you don't quit!" Seamus yelled angrily as he swiped jelly cubes off his chest and whipped cream out of his hair.

Somehow, food started flying in random directions, and the entire Gryffindor table ended up in a brawl with Ron being piled on by multiple children as the other house tables emptied and slowly slinked their way out of the Great Hall.

" _ **Immobulus!"**_ Dumbledore's voice rang out across the room.

Children and food froze and began to float in mid-action.

Albus' eyebrow twitched. " _Thus far, you have been adrift in the sheltered harbour of my continued patience_ *, but alas— that was only the calm before the storm. All of you may now enjoy a delightful detention with Mr Hagrid helping him to rid the greens of garden gnomes until all the gnomes are driven out."

The spell then released the now-chastened children, and they all stared down at their feet as they shuffled out of the Great Hall.

 _*(C.B. from Lilo and Stitch)_

* * *

 _(Red envelope arrives to dormitory and is shut into a trunk)_

 _ **RONALD BILIUS WEASLEY!**_

 _ **I DON'T KNOW HOW IN MERLIN'S NAME YOU MANAGED TO ENLARGE NEARLY A HUNDRED GARDEN GNOMES INTO MONSTROUS ACROMANTULA-ATTRACTING MAGNETS RESULTING IN UNTOLD GALLEONS WORTH OF DAMAGE TO THE HOGWARTS GROUNDS, BUT YOUR FATHER AND I ARE GREATLY DISPLEASED BY YOUR SEEMING INABILITY TO CEASE CAUSING TROUBLE, MAKING A RIDICULOUS SPECTACLE OF YOURSELF AND EMBARRASSING THE ENTIRE WEASLEY FAMILY BEYOND BELIEF! IF YOU DON'T SHAPE UP, WE—**_

 _(Howler ends abruptly as Ron magicks the sealed trunk out the open window)_

* * *

 _(Note to students on public bulletin board)_

 _To all students:_

 _Please do not throw items out the castle windows. It makes the Whomping Willow far more apt to, well, whomp everyone, and no one wants that._

 _Any items found to have been launched out the castle windows will be sold at auction and the proceeds donated to the Hogsmeade Wizarding Orphanage._

* * *

"Ron, did you use my trunk?"

"Why the bloody hell would I do that?"

"Because it's missing, you arse!"

"Why are you blaming me for that?"

"Because I'm not seeing _**your**_ stuff being sold off to charity with the ash of burnt up Howler still inside it!"

"Oh, so I'm the only one who ever had a Howler?"

Harry scowled. "I swear to _**Merlin**_ , mate. Howlers are _**all**_ you're going to have if you keep this up."

* * *

"We're happy to announce that Slytherin has earned a combined two hundred house points for volunteering their assistance with the clean up and charity auction of the vast number of trunks and various other items that have been thrown out our windows lately. They have already raised over seven hundred galleons for the Hogsmeade orphanage. Congratulations, Slytherin. Most excellent work. Excellent, indeed."

* * *

 _ **Attention Students!**_

 _Please try_ _to avoid_ _stepping in any faerie rings that may be on the grounds. The side-effects may or may not prove to be permanent._

 _You can recognise faerie rings by the glowing circles of mushrooms shaped in a circle or other shapes such as ovals. If you happen to see one, please place a sign near it to warn your fellow students. Do not under_ _ **any**_ _circumstance step inside one, as we cannot guarantee what will happen to you if you should do so._

 _Mr Hagrid would like to remind students that faerie rings are not connected to actual faeries such as those eaten by Bowtruckles and Augerys and killing faeries to rid ourselves of the rings is not possible or recommended._


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N:** It's winter, but Mother Nature sure doesn't seem to realise it...

 **Beta Love:** The Dragon and the Rose the Ever Super Patient, Dutchgirl01 the Woefully Overworked, and our Flyby Snickers Aficionado, Commander Shepard

 **Evil is a Matter of Perspective**

 **Chapter 2**

"Headmaster, how is this even _possible_?"

"Mrs Weasley, I cannot say for sure, but I do know that your son was exposed to a faerie ring very recently."

" _ **HEEHAWWWWWWWWW!"**_

The Weasley matron wrung her hands anxiously. "Surely _something_ can be done? Who is responsible for this?" She looked at her donkey-headed son, as he brayed yet again.

"Well, given that the rest of the school was asleep in their beds when Mr Weasley was discovered by Professor Sprout with his head stuck in a faerie ring— it was a very small ring, had it been much larger surely the rest of him when have been changed as well— I highly doubt that any others were involved in the incident. All of our other students had been accounted for at curfew."

"Well, obviously _**he**_ managed to get out! That means others could too!"

"Are you saying that another student wouldn't have assisted your son if they realised he had a donkey's head? Told someone? Summoned a teacher, perhaps?"

"How can we fix this, Albus!" Molly cried. "How can he possibly function at school like this?"

"I've arranged for St Mungo's to work with him to see if they can undo transformation on his head," Dumbledore said, stroking his beard in thought.

Ron brayed loudly and tried in vain to escape from the room. He ran straight into one of the infirmary's other beds and ended up spread-eagle with his trousers down. The privacy screen fell down as well, and the young witch who was sleeping in the next bed over shrieked shrilly in terror.

Dumbledore sighed deeply and pinched the bridge of his nose.

* * *

Dumbledore raised both brows as he stared at Hagrid's hut— or rather what _had_ been Hagrid's hut before it was infested by several cranky displaced Acromantulas that had been summarily kicked out of the Not-So-Dark-and-Possibly-Not-Quite-As-Forbidden Forest.

Many had been picked off by the Department of Regulation of Magical Creatures due to a rather jarring game of spiderball being played between the forest and the Whomping Willow. The Whomping Willow seemed far less moody with something suitable to whomp, and it had taken a few days of wizards and witches trying to play keep away from the Whomping Willow and whatever magical force in the forest was literally punting them out of the forest canopy.

"Hagrid, we can't have Acromantulas at Hogwarts."

"But they're me friends!" Hagrid protested tearfully.

"They are highly dangerous creatures, Hagrid, and the Department of Regulation of Magical Creatures has already given us more than enough slack to get rid of them before they have to file an official report."

"They're me friends!" Hagrid repeated.

"I understand that, Hagrid, but this is a school with many, many underage and inexperienced children!" Dumbledore reminded him.

"But there is plenty of room here!" Hagrid protested.

"That, my friend, is hardly the point," Albus sighed, stroking his beard.

"If you fix the forest, they can move back in!"

"I will not attempt to tamper with a magically protected forest just so your illegally obtained friends can move back in, Hagrid."

"The forest let them in before!" Hagrid exclaimed. "There's something wrong!"

"No, Hagrid, I think something is finally going right with the forest again."

"Wh-ut do ya mean by that, Head'aster?"

"Had you noticed that the forest became extremely hostile around the time of the first war?"

"The forest was _**never**_ hostile," Hagrid said.

Albus sighed. "Hagrid, I am trying to be reasonable and give you time to move your eight-legged 'friends' somewhere they are natively found."

"But they _**EAT**_ them there!" Hagrid cried.

"Bowtruckles and Augureys eat fairies and I don't see you complaining about that, Hagrid," Albus observed coolly.

"That's not the same thing!"

"Hagrid, you _**must**_ do this," the Headmaster insisted. "If you do not, you will be charged with harbouring dangerous magical creatures without a permit, and our school will be under the kind of scrutiny none of us need. You may go to Azkaban, and I know you don't want that."

"Headmaster Dumbledore, Sir," Hagrid pleaded. "Don't make me lose my friends. They're all I got!"

Fang barked at him, growling.

"Please, Sir!" Hagrid begged just as a giant spider leapt off the roof to attack Dumbledore. " _ **No! Aragog!"**_

Dumbledore Apparated quickly to the side, and the spider landed smack in the middle of a faerie ring.

 _ **FWOOOOOOOOSH!**_

Magical fire consumed the giant spider, and it was transformed into a very confused-looking marmot.

 _ **SCREEEE!**_

Another spider from the hug sprung the hut's roof.

"No! Mosag!" Hagrid cried.

 _ **THUMP!**_

The spider landed on top of the marmot, perhaps driven to devour it.

 _ **FWOOOOSH!**_

The acromantula female transformed into kiwi bird— a purple one.

Dumbledore stroked his beard as his gamekeeper proceeded to come unglued that his friends had been turned into far more— if he did say so himself— cute animals.

Hagrid ran towards the marmot and kiwi, perhaps intending to shoo the creatures out of the ring.

"Hagrid, no!" Albus warned.

But it was too late. Hagrid stepped right into the faerie ring, his foot destroying the mushrooms as he stormed into it. The magic inside the ring churned and exploded as the ring collapsed and the imbued mushrooms exploded.

 _ **BOOM!**_

Albus' blue eyes widened as he gazed upon Hogwarts' first and only giant panda.

"Woof?" Fang barked.

Albus summoned his Patronus and sent it zinging towards wherever Minerva and Poppy were. "It just keeps getting more and more interesting here."

* * *

"I…" Poppy gave a shrug. "I have nothing to tell you, Albus."

Dumbledore's eye twitched. "When I was a child, you didn't have this sort of thing. People knew better than to step into faerie rings. Even Muggles didn't."

Minerva, who was trying desperately hard not to laugh, snorted into her hand. The Hagrid panda was sitting on the bed chewing on bamboo the house elves had brought as the marmot munched on some roots and the kiwi noshed on a large earthworm.

"Erm, so, did the Department of Regulation deal with the rest of the spiders?"

"They found out the Whomping Willow was willing to hit them into holding pens— the ones that didn't miss the pens and got eaten by the squid," Dumbledore said.

The panda on the bed stopped chewing and let out an unpandaish wail as it hugged the kiwi and marmot close to him. The other animals didn't seem very happy with the situation and wriggled out to attack the pile of food instead. Hagrid looked utterly sullen as he stuffed his face with more bamboo.

"So, obviously a little of Rubeus is in there, but how much?" Albus asked.

Poppy patted a scroll. "I asked my colleague from Mungo's to give me his opinion on the situation, and he said that the increase in faerie rings are a response to the forest's return to its natural state. The rings are sprouting up to infuse the land with the magic it requires, but—"

"Then idiots go and stand in them and get a full dose of chaotic wild magick."

Poppy nodded. "It's _pure_ magic. Natural. There isn't anything to counter as much as try to prevent more incidents or— reexposure."

The panda let out a bellow and jumped off the bed, tearing off out of the infirmary.

" _ **Hagrid! NO!"**_ Poppy cried. "Headmaster, if he re-exposes himself—!"

Albus and Minerva went after the barrelling panda who seemed to have gained preternatural speed in his haste to undo the magic done to him.

Poppy looked down at the kiwi and the marmot, who seemed completely content with their new lot in life. "Well, at least you're much cuter now."

* * *

"You're _so_ beautiful," Severus said, his palm cupping her cheek.

Hermione looked up into his face as he placed a strand of glowing "stars" around her neck. The flowers in her hair unfolded into fragrant night blooms, and she smiled up at him with nothing short of unbridled love.

Severus' horns were highly polished, decorated in vines and blooms of his own. He lit a number of braziers at the base of the tree, sending trails of wispy incense to the canopy.

Hermione stepped out of the "trunk" of the massive tree, the bark seemingly parting to release her from its core. Vine-like growths caressed her before disappearing back into the tree's core. Her eyes glowed with refound life. Her delicate hooves touched the ground almost daintily, and flowers and plants grew and bloomed wherever she stepped.

Dumbledore and Minerva stood nearby, holding moonlit lanterns that shimmered with blue and white radiance instead of the orange of the typical candle lanterns. The centaur all bowed their forelegs down to dip their torsos in a display of profound respect.

Severus had multiple large baskets of food to share with the gathered, all of it gathered from the newly revitalised and no longer dark forest. Smaller, woven baskets held smaller token offerings to the forest itself. Fireflies alighted on the vines, flashing their coloured glows.

The couple stepped into the great ring of mushrooms, feeling the distinctive thrum of wild magic. The moonlight shimmered into the clearing, casting them both in glowing radiance.

Severus joined hands with his Hermione— her face so much like he remembered her, timeless and agelessly youthful and bright yet wise beyond the age she belied—and sang. His voice sounded like the soothing of forest pipes.

 _Sky Above_

 _And Earth Below_

 _Forest Between_

 _And light aglow_

 _We come together,_

 _In love and trust,_

 _To bind ourselves,_

 _Until all is dust._

 _Fur of the faun_

 _Warmth in the cold_

 _Tear of the dryad_

 _Forgiveness untold._

 _Memories lost_

 _And memories found_

 _Bound together_

 _Friendship renowned._

Hermione pressed her forehead to his, as she continued the song.

 _Stars guide us._

 _Forest protect._

 _Bind us together_

 _In mutual respect._

 _Guide our path_

 _That we may never be lost._

 _Protect our bond,_

 _Through the heat and frost._

 _No matter the weather_

 _The time or place,_

 _May we find our way Home,_

 _In each other's embrace._

Tenderly, they pressed their lips together, and the magic from the faerie ring seemed to gather and channel itself into the couple. Their bodies grew brighter and brighter, until all they were was light, and the energy blew outwards in a wave, lighting up the entire forest with a blue and green glow. Golden sparkles floating in the air as the thestrals droned their whalelike songs across the forest canopy.

One by one, the faerie rings throughout the forest and around it flashed as the magic exploded, returning to the forest in an awesome rush of power— returning to where it had always belonged.

When Severus and Hermione stepped out of the circle, Minerva hugged Hermione right, stroking her seemingly newly wizened yet youthful face.

"Aw, my lass, congratulations!"

Dumbledore took Severus' arm. "Congratulations, my boy."

Severus took in a deep breath. "I am sorry for hating you as long as I did," he said slowly. "I understand now why I could never remember otherwise."

Albus shook his head. "I am glad you are now together just as it was supposed to be," he said. "My only regret is that I could do nothing at the time to prevent what had been inflicted on you both."

Hermione made a joyful sound as she was stampede-hugged by an enthusiastic group of young centaur foals, who decorated her with garlands and strands of shiny, glowing stones. The older centaur whickered in fond amusement as Hermione drew her hand across each of their flanks, causing a blanket of blooming flowers to grow from their backs.

Magorian drew a finger down Hermione's face, painting intricate designs on her skin with glowing paint. He then did the same to Severus, smiling as Hermione did playful loops around his head in her faerie dragon form.

"Twas a fine wedding," Minerva said. "I'm glad to have seen it."

Severus nodded.

Dumbledore stroked his beard. "Seeing as Hagrid turned himself into a panda, I seem to be missing a gamekeeper and forest caretaker," Albus said. "You wouldn't happen to know anyone who does well in the forest and doesn't mind living in it all year round, hrm? It comes with a rather nice allowance for abode of your choice, provided it is in the forest or close to it, stipend, meals, and summers that are student free— and an included apprenticeship if you would, say, wish to continue your Wizarding education on the side."

Hermione landed on his head and peered down at him upside-down.

"Is that a yes?" Albus asked, chuckling.

Hermione chirred and made to bite him on the nose, but Severus quickly snatched her away before she could do the deed.

"She'd be honoured," Severus said, clamping his fingers firmly over the dragonet's muzzle.

Fawkes warbled at the dragonet.

Hermione chirred back.

Suddenly they were off, chasing each other through the skies in gleeful celebration.

Severus pinched his nose with his fingers. "Dryads."

Albus sighed. "Not to bring up unpleasant things during your wedding, my boy, but there _is_ the small matter of that annoying Mark on your arm and what we can do to ensure it doesn't give Tom a way to hurt you any more than he already has."

Severus flinched, touching his arm and itching it compulsively. Yet, when he looked down at his bare arm, he frowned and moved it into the moonlight to see it better. He dropped his arm, his brows furrowed. "He may— have an issue with that."

Dumbledore gave him a look, and Severus held out his arm.

Albus ran his hand up and down the faun's arm and then gave a baffled sigh. "Well, apparently the forest takes protecting you quite literally."

They both looked down at his arm again together. It was bare.

The Mark was gone.

Albus stroked his beard. "It would be _such_ a pity if Tom should fall into a faerie ring," he said thoughtfully. "He always did refuse to believe in wild magic."

Severus' mouth twitched. "Wouldn't that be— quite depressing."

* * *

Quibbler Front Page

 _ **Mysterious Faerie Rings Pop Up All Over Britain**_

 _ **Experts Baffled**_

 _Strange things have been turning up all over Britain and St Mungo's is more than a little baffled by the the emergence of countless faerie rings (magical circles often marked by glowing mushrooms and toadstools) that are causing quite the stir as they afflict Wizarding folk with various afflictions or transfigurations._

 _As many of our ancestors knew, wild magic is some of the oldest and most powerful magic in the world, but it is often the most undervalued because it cannot be learned. It springs up in natural places (the wilds) and is often only manipulated and used by magical creatures born in its embrace (the wildfolk). Even so, many of those wildfolk would say that they do not manipulate the magic as much as they ask for its favour— and that is done with the utmost of respect._

 _Muggles once had a healthy respect for faerie rings, and many myths warned their people never to cross the line lest they come back severely aged or severely emaciated from dancing with the fae all night without a stop. Regardless, it seems that we are being reminded of the Old Ways in a very obvious show of magic._

 _St Mungo's has been dealing with a flood of patients that cannot stop dancing to having parts of their entire bodies transformed. Some, it seems, have been transfigured completely into innocuous animals such as squirrels to less than harmless creatures such as flesh-eating slugs— there seems to be little rhyme nor reason to the changes or how it affects people at this time. Some healers are recording them all to find a pattern that can be traced as to what warrants a squirrel or an antelope versus, say, a flobberworm._

 _Investigators have inspected the homes of the afflicted, and the only thing they seem to have in common are the strange faerie rings, whose remains are in odd places like the side of beds, in front of the hearth, and even just inside the loo. All Traces of outside influence or Dark magic, however, seem to be missing._

 _Fortunately, much like the stories of old, livestock and pets as well as small children seem immune to the effects of the faerie rings. Cats and Kneazles as well as owls, are especially immune, perhaps due to their already innate magical relationship._

 _Regardless, people are warned to avoid Faerie rings as well as humanly possible, as the side-effects and transformations are often permanent._

* * *

"I am Lord Voldemort! You will bow before me or _**DIE!**_ "

The Aurors exchanged glances as the sickly looking puffskein with red eyes bounced up and down in impotent rage. Around him were others of different colours and sizes, all bouncing around like hyperactive toddlers on sugar water. They sat on top of a pile of cast aside wands, squeaking Unforgivable spells only to have the wands sputter and sprout flowers out of the end.

"Boss, what are we going to tell the Minister?"

Auror Shacklebolt rubbed his head. "Savage, I'm sure we could make something up Fudge would believe better than the truth."

"We were all going to the pub and were ambushed by Death Eaters and the Dark Lord Voldemort, and they all accidently stepped in faerie rings turning themselves into Puffskeins?"

Kingsley's lip twitched. "This is why they pay you, Savage. Come up with something he's more likely to believe."

Auror Savage and Proudfoot stared at the pile of irate Puffskeins making obnoxiously cute squeaking profanity. "Sure, boss. Um, we'll get right on it."

"I will _**KILL YOU!**_ " a black Puffskein squealed, its fur wildly curly like it had danced in a lightning storm. It launched itself on Kingsley's boot and tried to maul him, but the attempt met with utter frustration as it got tangled up in its own tongue.

Proudfoot plucked a brown one up and rubbed its fur, and it immediately started humming.

" _ **RABASTAN! YOU IDIOT! DON'T SUCCUMB! DON'T LET YOURSELF—**_ " the black one squeaked.

The brown Puffskein yawned and rolled over, allowing Proudfoot to rub him all over, humming madly like a purring cat on overdrive. Another brown one squeaked imperiously against Proudfoot's boot, wanting the same treatment.

" _ **DON'T YOU DARE, RODOLPHUS!"**_

Proudfoot pet them both, and the two Puffskeins made happy humming noises as their eyes glazed over in pleasure.

"So, um, what do we do with them, boss?" Savage asked.

All the other Aurors now had a Puffskein to cuddle, and the ex-Death Eater-Puffskeins were succumbing blissfully to their fate of being adorable, cute, and fluffy.

Kingsley rubbed his hair. "Mungo's first— then, hell I don't know. We'll think of something."

"Boss?"

"Hrm?"

"What do we do with this one?"

Kingsley looked over to see an Auror holding a baby anteater with a snake's tail. Both parties seemed mighty confused.

" _ **NAGINI! KILL HIM!"**_ the red-eyed Puffskein squealed.

The baby anteater clung to the Auror, long tongue licking his chin.

"Awww, you're adorable!"

"No! No! I am the Dark Lord Voldemort! I will _**CRUSH—**_ " The Puffskein's protest was cut off with a humming like a purr as the "Dark Lord Voldemort" succumbed to the boneless bliss of being petted.

"Come to think of it, Savage," Kingsley said with a mischievous glint in his dark eyes, "Fudge really _needs_ a nice companion animal in that stuffy office of his."

Savage grinned evilly. "You got it, boss!"


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N:** Watching Terminator Genisys… it makes for odd brain inspiration when mixed with Harry Potter.

 **Beta Love:** The Dragon and the Rose (who is probably wondering what I'm smoking right now), Dutchgirl01 (who is hopefully still sleeping), and our Flyby Snickers Aficionado, Commander Shepard (still in pursuit of those Snickers)

 **Evil is a Matter of Perspective**

 **Chapter 3**

* * *

"Whuuuaaa?" The students couldn't help but stare as Dumbledore stood up to introduce the most recent changes in the Hogwarts staff.

Many whispered to each other as they saw Snape storm into the room, his robes billowing as usual, but the more fantastical changes like his sweeping, curved horns and mane of silken, curly hair. A beautiful faerie dragon perched on his shoulder, her wings dripping with colour. Each scale shimmered like a prism. The little dragon nuzzled against Snape's neck, her tail curled around his neck like an anchor.

"Due to the influx of changes that have occured due to a number of faerie rings at Hogwarts, we have had to make some new changes in our staffing arrangements to better teach our students," Albus announced.

"First, we welcome back Professor Snape, who has returned from his recovery after the unfortunate explosion that many of you had the unfortunate to either experience or know someone that did."

Mutters of disappointment ran through the Great Hall.

"Second, I must announce that due to some… irreversible changes in the life of Rubeus Hagrid, he will not be returning as gamekeeper and professor for Care of Magical Creatures. Wilhelmina Grubbly-Plank will be assuming the position for Care of Magical Creatures, and the new Gamekeeper and the warden for our neighbouring forest will be none other than Madam Snape."

Puzzled mutters of confusion spread throughout the Great Hall.

The faerie dragon shimmered and leapt into the air, reforming into a petite woman with the legs of a doe and a lush, curly mane of green-gold hair that seemed to be alive with flowers and vines. She smiled and took a seat beside the Potions Master. The children stared at her, boggling. Her face seemed almost familiar, but she was most undoubtedly an older woman. Her face was finely chiseled, almost angular. Branches grew around her head like a crown of antlers, and her fingers tapered into delicate, pearlescent talons. While she did wear robes of a fashion, they were thinner, loosely set to not hinder movement in any way.

"Madam Snape would like to warn you that the faerie circles are _still_ actively popping up over the grounds, but they are most often found by the natural areas, such as the forest boundary. Any glowing mushroom rings should be considered active faerie circles and assiduously avoided. As before, the Forbidden Forest is still restricted, if even more so now due to the increased number of hidden faerie rings. Students may not enter without a proper staff or faculty escort."

"What happened to Snape?"

"Which one?"

"The old one!"

"Maybe he got thrown into a faerie ring too?"

"Maybe they got married in a faerie ring. My mum said the a long time ago, that is where _all_ weddings happened."

"Snape is married?"

"Who would marry _**him?**_ "

"I dunno, but those horns and that luscious mane, mrrrr!"

"Lavender! How _**could**_ you!"

"Oh come on, just look at him. He's-mrrr—so rustic."

"That's bloody _**Snape**_ you're talking about!"

"Mmmm _hmm…_ "

"That's so not right," one of the boys muttered as the witches cooed and oogled at the "new" Snape.

If the Headmaster actually said anything else, sadly, no one was paying attention to him.

* * *

" _ **Ow!"**_

"Miss Brown," Severus addressed the young witch in his silkiest tone. "Do you have a— problem?" The faerie dragon wiped her foreleg across her mouth, wrinkling her muzzle in disgust. She flitted back to Snape's shoulder and glared, eyes whirling with colour.

"Nu-no, Sir!" Lavender sputtered, throwing something into her cauldron.

The surface of the cauldon began to burble and make disturbing noises.

 _ **BLAM!**_

The potion exploded into a sphere as Severus captured the accident in a globe of magic and then vanished it. "Now, Miss Brown, you _**do**_ have a problem. I want you to serve detention tonight and write me a detailed four feet of essay on Tungrad's Principle on the explosive effects of twenty potion ingredients."

"Yes, Sir!" Lavender said with a strange excitement. "With you, Sir?"

Snape narrowed his eyes at her "No, Miss Brown. It will be with _**Madam**_ Snape."

Lavender drooped, but then she perked. "So, you will be there too?"

Severus scowled darkly. " _No_."

Lavender looked terribly disappointed, visibly slumping in her chair.

Snape curled his lip and whirled around, writing another recipe on the board. "Successfully brew this potion without blowing anything up, and you are excused from writing today's essay on the properties of flobberworms in advanced potion making."

Frantic potion making resumed in a flurry of renewed enthusiasm.

"Miss Brown, I assure you that if I have to give you a second detention on top of the first one you earned, your next writing will be to your parents explaining why you failed out of my class with a Troll."

Lavender gulped and set to work, still distracted, but otherwise focused on a task that didn't involve making oogly eyes at Snape like he had somehow transformed into Gilderoy Lockhart.

Snape narrowed his eyes. There had a been a time, not so long ago, when children cowered under their desk rather than look anywhere closer to near him. Now he felt like his every move was being not only watched but cooed over by silly little witchlings (and, alarmingly, a few wizards as well). It was _not_ the sort of thing he was used to nor did he welcome it. There was only one creature on the very Earth he cared to impress, and she was married to him.

Severus narrowed his eyes. Something _had_ to be done and soon before he made like his brother Kander and—

Severus blinked, and a slow smile began to creep across his face.

* * *

"Severus."

"Hn?"

"You did that on purpose."

"Hn."

Hermione eyed her mate, her deer tail flicking back and forth.

Kander, the newest teacher for History of Mythical Creatures, trotted by with a large gaggle of giggling school girls chasing after him while trying not to _look_ like they were chasing after him.

They were failing miserably.

Firenze and Bane, who co-taught with him, shook their manes as they watched the entourage go by. "Fauns," they huffed.

Severus crossed his arms across his body. "Harumph."

"Not you, brother," Firenze said. "Your reputation does not preceed you unto thousands of sexual conquests."

Severus looked utterly disgusted. "That's a relief."

"What about _**your**_ thousands of sexual conquests?" Hermione asked.

Severus glowered. "Not _**MINE**_."

"You have to admit, most fauns have a reputation," Bane said.

"So do humans, but they are not all sodding imbeciles."

"Just most of them?"

Severus snorted. "Hn."

"So, what inspired you to invite your carnally-inclined brother to come teach at Hogwarts?"

"He's actually very well-versed in the history of supposedly mythical beings when he pauses in his joy of fornification."

"And you want him around foals?"

Severus snorted. "He has some lines that cannot be crossed. He does not manipulate or influence children. Adults, on the other hand..."

"You just wanted to see Sybill smitten with someone else's hindquarters," Firenze said accusingly.

"Can you _**blame**_ me?" Severus scoffed. "The one thing she _**DID**_ manage to See correctly was that I was a faun."

"Fortunately, her aim was and still _is_ horrible," Bane said. "Firenze was going to kick her in the head."

"I might have paid good hunting for a month to see that," Severus chuckled.

Bane nickered in amusement. "I may have too."

Firenze seemed to be weighing his options on whether he should actively engage in a little hoof to head exercise.

"She still proclaims doom and damnation on everyone," Bane said. "Magorian kicked her out of the forest, almost literally, when she tromped in uninvited and tried to tell our foals that they were all going to die horribly."

Severus grunted. "For some reason, Albus _still_ wishes to protect her— why, I do not know. I was hoping she'd be gone, seeing as she is a drunken charlatan of a so-called seer."

"Perhaps there is something we have yet to see," Firenze said musingly. "Albus likes to simmer on things, sometimes for years, before actually moving on them. There may be something he thinks she will be helpful for. What, I cannot even begin to guess."

Severus frowned. "Knowing the Dark Lord, he would have had backup plans in place, but he was not one to do anything transparently. Every move he did was actually something else."

"The faerie rings seems to have put a knot in his plans, or so it would seem," Bane said.

"From what the baffled Aurors tell me, yes," Severus said.

"Puffskeins, wasn't it?" Bane said, boggling. "Those colourful little fluffballs with really long tongues?"

Severus nodded. "Obnoxiously adorable if you ask Kingsley. And—" He frowned. "Oddly docile."

"Isn't that the norm for them?"

Severus sniffed. "Yes, but— hardly for Death Eaters or the Dark Lord."

"Magorian would say that the Wild Magick was finally doing what it meant to do long ago," Bane said. "Like how the forest literally punted the Acromantulas out of its domain."

"But did it do it to help _**you**_ or merely to amuse the Whomping Willow?"

"Yes," Firenze said cryptically.

Bane and Severus gave him a shared look, eyebrows raised.

Firenze grinned, prancing off into the forest.

Bane grunted. "I'm not sure how I was ever convinced to help teach human foals. My reputation with human foals was never that great."

"No, your reputation with humans in general was utterly abysmal," Severus said, snorting.

Bane chuckled. "True. Still…"

"Hermione asked you both to, so you could help even out Kander's wiles and wayward nature."

"Oh," Bane said, eyes widening. "You're right." He scratched his head. "But why did I say yes?"

Severus sighed. "Because she smiled that smile of hers at you, flipped her tail cutely, and did that hair thing with the sun and the glowing and the blissfully happy expression."

Bane's brows creased. "Dryads."

Severus snickered. "Indeed. At least _**you**_ aren't running around with fifteen very smitten colts running behind you, eagerly catering to your every want and need."

Bane snorted. "Magorian thinks it's quite amusing. Most inspired they've been in a long while."

Bane looked thoughtful. "You know, brother, the forest feels _**good**_ again, and I think, more than anything, that is something we missed and never even realised we did. It's hard to foster grudges like I did back when so many things were going very badly."

"Complaining?"

"No."

Severus smiled. "Me neither."

* * *

Harry stared into the mirror and stared at his reflection, boggling.

"What is it, mate?" Seamus asked.

"It's _**gone!**_ "

"Acne?"

Harry shook his head and lifted up his fringe. "The scar."

Seamus leaned over to take a closer look. "Holy— you're right. I've been so used to seeing it, I've forgotten to look."

Harry smiled. "Believe me, I totally appreciate that. Having people staring all the time was really getting to me."

"How long has it been gone?"

"I'm not sure."

"You're not _**sure**_ when you lost something that—"

"You didn't notice either!"

"But it's on _**YOUR**_ head, mate!"

Harry sighed. "I wonder what it means?"

Seamus shook his head. "I don't know, Harry. You feel any different?"

"I dunno— have I seemed any different?"

"You don't hiss in your sleep anymore."

"Creepy."

"True, though."

"Maybe— I guess I don't think to look for it anymore because Ron isn't around to stare at it."

Seamus eyed him. "He did?"

"Yeah, all the bloody time."

"Where _**is**_ Ron, anyway?"

"Getting his ears petted by Lav-Lav."

Harry choked. "What?"

"She really has a thing for the furry ears, and unlike Snape, she can actually touch him."

"Touching Snape would get her destroyed— if not by him but by— everyone on the teaching staff."

"I take it Ron is with us for a while until he has to go back to Mungo's for more— er… therapy?"

"I was using the twin's extendable ears—" Harry said. "He should be fine to be cured if he can keep his— well, you know— in his pants."

Seamus boggled. "Huh? Why that?"

"Something about wild magic and sex magic doing really bad things when worked together because of how powerful they both are."

Seamus paled. "Um, we _**really**_ need to find him. Like right _**now**_."

Harry blinked. "What?"

"The petting doesn't stop with the ears!" Seamus explained hurriedly, pulling Harry along by his ear.

" _ **Ow!**_ " Harry complained. "What the _**hell**_ are you talking about, Sea—"

A terrified scream came from the hallway just down the stairs from the Gryffindor tower stairs.

Seamus and Harry ended up sprawled on their backs as a starkers Lavender Brown streaked by the two boys, somehow managing to sob and scream hysterically at the same time.

"Oh come on, Lav! I'm so bloody horny after you stroked me up like that!" Ron's voice came just before a massively wrinkled, awkwardly bipedal, and strangely freckled naked mole rat hobbled after the screaming witch. Portraits screamed and fled to other frames. Others covered their eyes, and some hurled into painted buckets inside their frames.

Harry and Seamus, however, were moaning in pain from being trampled not only once, but twice over.

* * *

"You must be out of your mind, Headmaster," Severus said, his face twisted in incredulous horror. "How could you expect me to even _**begin**_ to fix— that?"

"It's Wild Magick, Severus."

"I'm fully aware of what magic it is, Albus," Severus snapped, clomping his hooves back and forth irritably. "But he's the one engaging in a little how's your father and went and stuck John Thomas precisely where it did _**not**_ belong while under the influence of Wild Magick! There is _**NO**_ cure for that because it was an intentional act, even if the aftereffects were not! Even if I could do something, I doubt it would fix the majority of that. It would probably make it even worse!"

"I don't bloody see how," Alastor muttered as he stood with his arms crossed and leaning wearily against one of Albus' bookshelves.

"There _**are**_ worse things than being a giant naked mole-rat, Auror Moody," Severus said.

"A Death-Eater Puffskein?"

"Arguable, they are, in fact, getting far more pleasure out of being adorable and coddled now than they ever got when they still had their minds and were doing their damndest to commit genocide."

Moody's eyebrow twitched. "Perhaps. Though, oddly, some of them seem to be recovering. Well, one in particular so far: Rodolphus Lestrange."

Snape's eyebrows arched. "Oh?"

"The Department of Mysteries is extracting memories from him before they take anything he says seriously. Doozy of a story. Almost as unbelievable as the one Albus gave me about you not really being a Death Eater by choice and not even human at that."

Snape wrinkled his nose, stomping one hoof. "And your professional opinion _**now?**_ "

"That I need a lot more firewhisky in my life."

"Dryad nectar is much better," Severus informed him. "She brews it in the hollow of ancient trees using wild bee honey and wildflowers."

Alastor shook his head. "Nothing is better than Ogden's Best Firewhisky."

"Gentlemen, could we _**please**_ refocus on what to do about our most unfortunate Mr Weasley?" Albus interrupted.

"Well, I'm sure if we stick him outside and tie him to a stake, we could attract a real gryphon to nest at Hogwarts," Severus suggested. "They're quite partial to hunting mole rats to feed their cubs."

The Weasley mole-rat squeaked in terror, tried to dive into Dumbledore's private quarters and got zapped silly by the protective wards.

"That was neither amusing nor helpful, Severus," Albus said stiffly, radiating disapproval.

"I beg to differ, Albus," Moody snorted. "That was sodding _**hysterical**_."

The mole-rat's body was still twitching and smoking slightly from being zapped.

Albus sighed deeply. "Severus, please. There must be _**something**_ you can do."

There was a dull crash as a large jar of lemon sherbets fell to the floor and Ronald promptly stuffed his face into them and gobbled them all— shiny wrappers included.

Albus' eyebrows twitched in visible annoyance. "Severus," he said through gritted teeth. "Please."

Severus shook his head. "I will not, Albus, unless one of his parents signs a parchment under witness and Oath that they will not hold whatever happens to him as _**my**_ fault after I specifically warned them of the high chance that his condition could become even worse."

Albus twitched as Ron located and toppled over another tin of candy and enthusiastically gorged himself.

"Molly is going to come completely unglued— again," he said, rubbing his eyebrows wearily.

Alastor just shrugged. "Seems to me she hasn't been properly glued in a damned long time."

Albus shot the senior Auror a look.

Alastor gave Albus a return look and another shrug.

"You _**did**_ say that the last incident with Ginevra Weasley would be the very last time that benefit of the doubt would be given for someone in the Weasley clan, Albus," Alastor said, "as agreed upon by her being permitted to do homeschooling and periodic retesting to determine her ability to resume her schooling at Hogwarts."

"And then there is the matter of his and Mr Potter's involvement in what could have been a major disaster, what with Weasley using that bloody magical artefact of Black's and blowing up a ruddy potions classroom," Alastor reminded the headmaster.

Albus' face wrinkled in consternation. "He is still a child, a minor—"

"Albus, old friend, I get it," Moody said. "You've always been a bleeding heart sort who wants to help the downtrodden and the misunderstood, but you also tend to try and help those that need _**LESS**_ help and more of a swift boot to the arse."

Dumbledore sighed. "What can we do?"

Severus cracked his neck. "If you really want to help him, Headmaster, encourage him to grow up and take responsibility for his actions and feel some actual shame over what he did. If someone like Rodolphus Lestrange can come back from being a fuzzball, then why not a naked mole rat?"

"You think shame is the key?"

"I think _**remorse**_ is the key. True remorse."

Albus looked at the naked mole rat that was laid flat on his back, mouth open, and drool trickling down his muzzle. "A potion would be so much easier."

"Nothing in Wild Magick is ever easy, Albus," Severus said. "But if you really care about this… animal, then you need to get him to grow up. There may not be a Dark Lord looking to turn him into mince pie or a slave or whatever right now, but this only proves that you don't need a Dark Lord to bring pain and misfortune down upon yourself and your family."

"Perhaps if Hermione—"

" _ **No**_ ," Severus said, stomping his hoof and waking up Ronald. "Albus, as much as you have done for many students, you need to figure out why you are so determined to coddle the Weasleys in what they do— why you always forgive them so easily. Why you always give them yet another last chance. Do not make Hermione put herself anywhere _**NEAR**_ that despicable boy after what has happened, no matter how much better off we all are because of it because no matter what you say, having her try to make things right will only end up with her in tears and him—"

Severus curled his lip. "I did not survive this long without her, through torture and a life I never asked for— nor did she—to be used by the likes of him to avoid the punishment brought on by his own deeds."

Alastor stood up, frowning. "Albus, why _**do**_ you coddle the Weasleys so much? You always have, and I have never managed to figure out why."

Albus furrowed his brows, instinctively reaching for a lemon drop and then getting more confused. He started to reach to the floor where one small candy had been left behind as Moody swiftly caught him by the arm.

"Albus, why are you so bloody desperate for a stray bit of candy?"

Albus froze in place. "I—"

Moody held Albus back as Severus used his wand to plunk the candy into a glass vial and stoppered it. When Albus looked at the candy longingly, Snape narrowed his eyes.

"I think, Auror Moody, that you should get the Headmaster to Mungo's for a formal scan unless you think the Aurors are sufficient. Aurors, however, should scan this office and his rooms to see if there is anything else we are missing that may be influencing the Headmaster." Severus eyed the Weasel-rat suspiciously. "Perhaps a critter sitter for him as well, if not a cage at Mungo's."

Alastor took in a deep breath. "I think after today, we should graduate to first names and leave the last name distancing behind us," he said after a long pause. "Severus," he said quietly, seemingly testing the name out.

Severus used one hoof to scratch his other leg. "Very well—Alastor," he replied slowly. "Albus, I'm asking you to trust me now— you need to go with Alastor and not do anything rash or flamboyant like leaving in a fireball explosion with Fawkes."

Dumbledore gave Snape a strange and almost desperate look, but he nodded. "I trust you, Severus." He twitched as he said it, obviously still struggling hard with a strong compulsion.

Alastor nodded, sending out a Patronus before he took Albus by the arm and walked him out of the office and off the grounds so he could Disapparate.

Severus pocketed the sample of candy as he stared at Ronald Weasley, molerat and unrepentant candy gorger extraordinaire. "You, my rather plump rodent friend, are going straight to the infirmary," he said. Forever, he thought to himself, lip curling with disgust. The flow of magic around the boy was strangely stunted as the Wild Magick had locked itself around the boy's Weave. He could see it clearly now that his bond with the forest and the Wild Magick was back at full strength. It was as if the magic was serving as its own prison around the boy— locking him into that form with every ill deed he had performed from the moment he had first exposed himself to the faerie ring.

Something very strange was going on with the magic, however. Something that wasn't pure Wild Magick, nor was it the inherent magic that dwelt within the magical soul. It was some sort of reaction between the action and reaction, and Severus was no Magicker— what the fauns called Wild Magick Healers. That was something Hermione did, and she, like so many of them, had specialty focuses. Hermione's, he knew, was Wildkin— those born of the Wild and who carried it in their very souls. Magical forests and the magical folk and creatures within were all her domain, with only the occasionally blessed human who was born in the Wild and blessed with its touch. That was rare, anymore. Humans no longer left their children in the faerie rings under the moonlight to ask for blessings for their children, trusting the forest to judge their child worthy. No— somehow children had become off limits to the forest, and as the child's mind closed off to the often unseen, so too did the window of when the faerie ring could accept a young one as a true child of the Wild.

Humans forgot— their short lives were witnessed by much longer-lived creatures.

Fauns, too, forgot so many things. His real father had told him stories of how fauns had been cursed to live each day anew unless they could find the one they truly loved— all because of a goddess who had been disenchanted by one faun's infidelity. He had no idea if it was true or even how cursing an entire species to forget their good and bad acts day by day would help anyone, but it _seemed_ to be true. Hermione had given him back his memories, allowing him to remember everything, and his father too had said he had not remembered much until meeting his mother. Hermione had once said that fauns just filled their minds with so much frivolity that they didn't have room for the more serious thoughts until the most serious of all things literally bit them on the nose: love.

Maybe she had a point. Many points, actually. All however many sharp, needle-like teeth sunk into his nose seemed to point towards truth. Maybe that was why most dryads had second forms that always had many impressive teeth.

Then again, he thought, not all fauns mated dryads. Life was, he decided, quite complicated.

He shrugged, pointing his wand at the bloated, overfed mole-rat. " _Mobilicorpus."_

Ron's body floated in the air, and Severus tied a nicked curtain rope around him and tugged him along to the infirmary.

"I'm not touching you, Mr Weasley," he stated firmly. "I _know_ where you've been."

* * *

 _ **Shocker: Weasley Matriarch Drugs Headmaster of Hogwarts!**_

 _I know what you're thinking, folks. What? Weasleys? How could such a relatively ordinary wizarding family get away with something so insidious? Well, I, Rita Skeeter, and here to tell you the unvarnished truth about this shocking story!_

 _Once upon a time, a simpering, fragile woman named Molly Weasley (née Prewitt) lost her two brave but unskilled brothers in the war to Death Eaters. Albus Dumbledore came to visit and console her, and somehow in that time, this witch used some familial magic mixed with food to impress on the wizard the importance of protecting her children from Death Eaters._

 _Only the spell was transformed into something more broad: protecting her children from everything, even themselves._

 _The addled old Headmaster is now in treatment at Mungo's being doted on by a team of mind-healers, while Madam Weasley is being treated down the hall for hysterical behaviour. Mr Weasley was seen doting on her, and I must ask— did she drug him too? Is that why he's stayed with her as long as he has? Forced to work at all hours to support her and some constantly growing number of children year after year?_

 _Why else would such a mild mattered wizard let himself be trodden over and screeched at and still stay?_

 _When all of this magic is unravelled, I think that there will be big changes coming to the Weasley family, and the main one will be the possible relocation of the children to another Wizarding school to ensure there is no lingering bias! The witch drugged the great Albus Dumbledore! There MUST be consequences!_

 _Whether a much needed divorce is in store, who knows, but Mr Weasley should at least be examined for manipulation in the same way as Dumbledore._

 _You have to admit— it takes stones to try and pull the wool over Dumbledore's eyes and succeed. Even the old wizard isn't impervious, or so it seems._

 _So, what will happen? I smell a Wizengamot session! How could they not? Even if it is not Dark magic, it sure isn't guilty of SOMETHING! I'm sure they could make something up to keep her behind bars where they keep any other witches and wizards throughout history that have used magic for such insidious ends! What of her children's exploits? Her youngest son was already found guilty of using a Dark artefact to blow up a potions classroom, injure his fellows, and transform a teacher into a hideous beastman! Let's not forget he also blew up that trollop Hermione Granger, which was, I might add, the only good thing the boy did._

 _So, maybe forgive the boy. I mean, he may be an idiot, but he's still a minor. As for his mother, she deserves to dine well on her just rewards._


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N:** Long day was long… zzzzz

 **Beta Love:** The Dragon and the Rose, Dutchgirl01, and Flyby Commander Shepard

 **Evil is a Matter of Perspective**

 **Chapter 4**

 _Nature is not a place to visit. It is home._

-Gary Snyder

Severus woke to the blissfully re-remembered familiar warmth of a certain dryad curled up against his chest. Her small tapered claws kneaded his chest like a kitten with a wool blanket before she snuggled in closer. He looked around, still somewhat amazed by how their living space fit inside a tree— _literally_ inside a tree— as all times before, the tree had never allowed him inside with her. All times before, she had hibernated alone, buried deep inside her loving trees.

His parents had created a home hidden amongst the rocks and crags of their forest— a home built into the side of a hill and made to look like any other hill. With both him and his brother prancing in and out all the time, it was amazing they even had a door on the home, much to his mum's consternation. His mother's tree had sent its roots down and around the hill, protecting their home in a slightly more subtle way.

He couldn't help but think Hermione's way was more intimate with "her" tree— the tree had waited for over a decade for its dryad to come home. Its sorrow had affected the entire forest, making it seem darker, sadder, and even more dangerous. Now, not only was Hermione back where she "belonged" but they were now mates, as they had intended to be so many years previous.

How could he have known, then, that the place where he had found a tree worthy of her would be in what would one day become the Forbidden Forest of Hogwarts? At least before she had been captured by Black, the forest had flourished. Fauns had a bond with the forest, but it wasn't the same as a dryad's, whose very health was reflected in the forest itself. But then—

He had gotten himself well and truly buggered by Black, and she had risen to his defence, getting herself tortured and captured herself— all for the love of _him_. The entire forest had suffered as she suffered, just as he had suffered, if unknowingly, without her.

He smiled as she snuggled into him, murmuring softly. Her small hooves kicked slightly, bumping into his. He snuggled into her, blissfully content in that they were together again. Finally— they could be at each other's sides. She could tend the forest, and he would, reluctantly, tend to the silly human children in an attempt to keep them from blowing each other up. But at the end of the day and perhaps many other times, he would be able to return home to _her—_ his Hermione.

As for the flow of kharma, he was unsure how it would resolve the drama of the Weasley family. More so, he wasn't sure if he should even care save for the fact it had harmed Albus Dumbledore— a man that had, at the very least, done his best to protect him as well as Hermione so they could one day meet again.

Severus touched Hermione's cheek. "My love," he said.

Hermione looked up at him sleepily. "Mmmm?"

"Would you be opposed to—"

Hermione snuffled his neck. "You wish me to bring peace to his mind and heart."

"He helped us," he said quietly. "He saved our lives."

Hermione tilted her head and closed her eyes, seemingly listening to something. The tree creaked around them—above, around, and below. The inside of the tree was surprisingly expansive— far greater than anything he had at Spinner's End. All of it was lovingly entwined with the tree's core. Even one such as he could feel the pulse of the tree's heart flowing around them.

Hermione opened her eyes. "You are right, Severus. We owe him our help for he has helped us and through us the forest."

He pressed his forehead to hers. "I love you."

Hermione smiled at him. One of her hooves rubbed lightly against his leg fur. "Do you?"

Severus slid his eyes to the side, his mouth twitching slightly. "Do you wish for a—" He gave her a private, needful look. "Demonstration?"

Hermione wrapped her fingers into his mane of shiny hair and breathed against his ear. "I think you may have forgotten how," she said with a soft laugh.

Severus rumbled, capturing her in his arms and pulling her down into the soft moss and lichen as he did his best to prove he hadn't forgotten he was a faun, the like of which inspired many a grand epic and ballad.

As the sun eventually set and the moon rose up high into the sky—no one would _ever_ accuse Hermione of complaining.

* * *

Albus looked out over the ramparts of Hogwarts, reaching over to gently stroke Fawkes' breast feathers. He picked up the glistening leaf from his window sill and lifted it up in salute to the forest. He tipped the leaf back and let the shimmering droplets of dew alight on his tongue, disappearing as he swallowed. He closed his eyes and took in a deep, cleansing breath, letting the air go with his tension.

Fawkes gave a soft warble.

"I'm alright, my old friend," Dumbledore said as he opened his eyes. "I think, for the first time in a long, long time I can actually see things clearly again."

He pulled out his wand from his robes and drew his fingers across it. "Gellert, my old friend, it was never ours to have. Ariana's death should have made that clear, but we were far too young, far too stubborn, even in our grief. And I— I spent most of my life trying to replace you and the hole in my heart, but I see now that peace is only found within."

Dumbledore pulled out a drawer in his desk and pulled on a latch. A panel on his bookshelf moved over, exposing a box. He walked over to it and opened the box, revealing an antique gold ring with a black stone. The symbol of the Deathly Hallows lay etched on the stone. He closed the box and latched it, sealing it with magic. From inside the hollow in his bookshelf, he pulled out a bundle of fabric that shimmered and shifted as if he were watching the colours change on a cuttlefish.

"I am sorry, Harry, I was not entirely honest with you," Albus said. "There are many invisibility cloaks, but only one was crafted by Death himself. The one I gave you was crafted to do much the same. No one would have known the difference, save for Death."

Dumbledore closed his eyes. "Being the Master of Death seems rather meaningless if one cannot truly enjoy the life one has been given. Seeking to undo the deaths of the past—" He stroked his beard. "Devalues the respect for the present and the meaning for previous deaths— despite how tragic they may have been."

He touched a small framed picture hidden amongst his shelves. A young girl's face looked timidly out of the photo. "Aberforth was right, Ariana. I spent my youth thinking only of the future, and I spent my years after your death thinking only of reversing the past."

He placed the wand and the ring box in the fabric and bound it with a cord.

"Fawkes, my old friend, I must ask you to do something for me," Dumbledore said. He stroked Fawkes' feathers tenderly. "Something long overdue."

* * *

Hermione lay the bundle in the middle of the faerie ring, opening the fabric and then the box as she moved the wand to lay vertical over the ring. A rush of warmth mixed with cold blew through forest.

Darkness, like tendrils of vines or the branches of trees, reached around them. Hermione's hand sought Severus' as they bowed their bodies down, unable to kneel due to their inhuman legs.

The blackness swirled and moved around them, darting, inspecting, lightly brushing against their fur and skin. It coagulated into a humanoid form with distorted, gnarled hands that looked more like bones and branches than than flesh.

" _Children of the forest,"_ the voice seemed to whisper like the wind through the hallows. " _You have called to me through the ancient pathways. What would you ask of Death?"_

"We would give you back those objects of yours which have become well-known in the stories of mortal man," Hermione said.

"That you may take them to where they will never be touched by mortal hands ever again," Severus added.

"The world of mortals is already filled enough with avarice and temptation, and there are those who think nothing of subjugation, whether it be human, animal, Wildkin, or—" Hermione said.

"Even Death," Severus said softly.

Fawkes warbled from a nearby branch.

Death floated silently, his head turned to see the cloak, the stone, and the wand. He passed one hand over the circle, and the ring seemed to melt as the stone turned into a normal river stone. With his other hand, he dug a hole with his fingers, dipping them deep into the earth, and he placed the wand within it, pointed end up. It began to sprout, growing into an elder tree. He patted the earth around the growing tree and dragged his gnarled fingers across the earth again as water sprung from the earth and transformed into a gentle river. There, he placed the stone amongst the water where it multiplied into so many other stones to fill the riverbed. At last, he took the cloak, and he cast it over himself. It seem to expand and grow outward, like the creep of a living thing spreading across the ground. The holes in his cloak disappeared, made whole once more.

" _And what would you ask of_ _ **me**_ _, children of the hoof and wild?"_ Death whispered. " _What boon would you ask of Death?"_

Hermione squeezed Severus' hand tightly, and he smiled and nodded in encouragement.

"Please, what we would ask of you is not for ourselves," she said. "If it is possible— could you, _would_ you— please release all those forced into a form other than their natural state, that they may return to their loved ones and their homes?"

" _Of all the things you could ask, child, you ask only for this?"_

Hermione nodded. "We know what it is like to be trapped in a life we did not ask for, separated from those we loved— the homes we so desperately longed for. It was much the same for you, Lord Death, was it not? To be parted from these pieces of yourself?"

Death was silent for several moments, and Hermione fidgeted nervously. But then, he smiled. " _You are very insightful, child of the trees, and I think that your request is far too humble for the sheer greatness of what you have done for me. I think that I shall grant your request— but my boon shall be given at my own whim as so befits the selfless acts that have been done today. Go in peace, my children, and know that I am content and that I never forget any slight— but neither do I forget a true kindness."_

He gently drew Hermione's head to his lips, pressing a kiss to her forehead, and a glowing spread of delicate antlers sprouted from her mane of hair. He then drew Severus' head to his lips, pressing a kiss to his forehead, and his curving horns transformed into the silver-white radiance not so unlike a unicorn's horn. Soft, magical runes glistened over both Hermione's antlers and Severus' horns.

As he turned to leave, Death stood up straighter, floating up to where Fawkes was perched. " _And you, my friend, shall be the first— released by the request of the children of the forest."_

Death drew Fawkes' head to him and placed a kiss upon his beak—

The forest was filled with the glow that seemed brighter than the moon as Death disappeared in the blinding radiance. As Hermione and Severus opened their eyes, only moonlight lit up the clearing. The faerie rings, having served their purpose, faded back into the ground. The home tree rose above them all, seemingly lovingly entwined with the newer, yet no less massive elder tree—their trunks woven together with nothing short of the most intimate magic.

"Nnngh."

Hermione and Severus looked down to see a young man in his starkers, half-covered in shed feathers. His pale skin shone very white in the moonlight, wreathed in a disheveled mass of unruly, disobedient black hair.

" _ **Regulus?!"**_ Severus breathed out the shocked exclamation, causing Hermione to abruptly shift into her faerie dragon form with a poof.

"I, um— I'm sorry, but I have _**no**_ idea how in Merlin's name I got here—" Regulus said, scratching his head in bemusement. "I must have had a little too much to drink or— gods, Severus?! You have horns and— hooves! Why do you look so— where are my clothes? Was I drugged? Did—"

Hermione landed on Regulus' chest.

"Oh, uh, hullo, er— well, you're quite pretty. Um— and very friendly," Regulus babbled nervously as Hermione moved in closer. She extended her graceful neck and clamped her teeth over his nose and bit him quite soundly.

Severus quickly grabbed a leaf and transfigured it into a set of robes. "You'll thank her for that later. After you've had your nappy."

"Nappy? What are you talk—"

 _ **Thud**_.

Regulus Black passed out in the pile of feathers and Severus magicked the robes onto his unconscious body. His soft snores sounded like warbles.

Severus sighed. "He's going to have one massive hangover when he wakes up."

Hermione chirred as she flew figure eights cheerfully.

"Did you know?"

Hermione chirped, giving a draconic shrug.

"Hn," Severus said. "It would probably be best to have him wake up somewhere familiar, but for the life of me I have _no_ idea where that would be at this point. The Black residence has— rather gone to the wolves."

Hermione chirped and settled on his shoulder. They both looked over their newly revitalised home. She squeak-chirped and flew towards their home tree as the bark parted for her.

Severus pointed his wand at Regulus and levitated him towards their forest home. "Better to wake up with us than your psychotic arsewipe of a brother."

* * *

 _ **Strange Days Indeed!**_

 _ **Missing Persons Turning Up Across Britain As Others Disappear**_

 _Several people who were reported to have disappeared during the Wizarding War have suddenly returned home much to the surprise of friends and family who had long believed them dead._

 _Where have they been all this time?_

 _No one seems to know, but many families are bringing their newly re-found loved ones to Mungos to be checked out for any ailments they may have missed and any clues that may lead to a reason as to why they disappeared in the first place._

 _Does anyone know?_

 _Apparently not._

 _While miraculous, there seems to be no rhyme or reason for the return of the missing, but most families are not complaining— save those who have heard about the tumultuous explosion of magic that required a full Obliviator team and Aurors to put a lid on the public magic battle between the newly-returned Regulus Black and his elder brother, Sirius Black, who publicly accused his younger brother of being a "bloody Death Eater" before slinging a number of rather Dark spells at his sibling in full sight of terrified Muggle witnesses in a primarily Muggle neighborhood, many of whom quite understandably contacted their local authorities to report the situation._

 _Regulus Black, who had just rescued the Boy-Who-Lived from the physical abuse and neglect of his Muggle guardians, an aunt and uncle on his late mother's side of the family, which involved extricating young Potter from a shockingly small room with bars over the windows and multiple locks on the door. Mr Regulus Black had just brought Harry Potter to safety and was in the process of contacting the Auror department to report the circumstances of the young boy's abuse when the altercation occurred. The two wizards had recently formed a quick friendship after convalescing in the Hogwarts' infirmary together, and this was to be Mr Potter's very first visit to his friend's home during the hols._

 _Unfortunately, no one could have predicted that Sirius Black, known fugitive escapee from Azkaban, would choose that very moment to attempt contact with his godson, nor could they have known that the meeting of the two brothers would escalate into such a shocking display of violence._

 _With the rearrest of Sirius Black, the Wizengamot is holding a special session to determine if the circumstances of his original arrest was, in fact, justified, what with the newfound discovery of one Peter Pettigrew, who had been transformed into a Puffskein by a faerie ring and thus proven to be very much alive. And now they must also consider this very violent altercation with his younger brother, Regulus Black. Mind Healers from St Mungos are being brought in to ascertain if Sirius Black's incarceration in Azkaban may have unhinged his mind to the point where his last attack was only a matter of when and not if._

 _As for the fate of the Boy-Who-Lived in light of the abuse and neglect inflicted upon him by his Muggle relatives, Headmaster Dumbledore tells us that he is seriously considering making Mr Potter a ward of the school for the final years of his education._

 _In other news, while many people are appearing after being missing for years, others seemed to have vanished into thin air. Chief amongst the missing was the daughter of Xenophilius Lovegood. According to those that shared her dormitory, she vanished in the night._

* * *

"There you are, Hermione!" Luna said brightly as she splashed water on the foraging dryad.

Hermione screeched as the cold water hit her, her fur standing on end along with her mane _ **.**_

" _ **Luna!"**_

Luna beamed, smiling from ear to ear. Her skin, mottled with shining opalescent scales, glistened with rainbow prisms from the sun. She giggled, her webbed ears flicking with amusement.

"Naiads," Severus scoffed, stomping one hoof as he lay a basket of fruits down beside the tree trunk. "Even _worse_ than dryads."

Hermione pranced around him, planting a tiny kiss on the end of his nose. His skin flushed crimson almost immediately.

"Nice of Death to give you a river to live in," Luna said.

Severus frowned. "We do not live **in** the river."

"But, it's so comfy!" Luna protested.

Severus glared at Hermione. "Why did you bite her again?"

Hermione shrugged. "She deserved to know. We did."

Luna smiled. "I wish my mum was here. At least I know now why she really died."

Severus sighed. "I am truly sorry, Luna."

Luna sighed and then smiled again. "She died protecting me from the Black family. If it weren't for that, I wouldn't be here, but I remember her now. How she really was. Who she really was."

Hermione gave the naiad a hug and a smile.

Luna smiled brighter. "At least daddy knows I'm okay. And he can visit if he gets too lonely."

"I suppose," Severus grunted, crossing his arms across his chest.

Hermione chuckled, giving him a peck on the chin.

Luna flicked one fin-like ear. "He knows the truth now. I think— he always suspected there was more to my mum, but they were so alike that it never mattered."

Severus looked skyward. "The Black family was only one family of many that believed enslaving others species gave them additional power. They were simply— more insidious about it. Regulus was one of the few that tried to be something better from the inside, but when Kreacher was hurt by Tom, he tried to destroy the locket Horcrux."

"That is how Dumbledore found him, yes? Almost drowned by Inferi?" Luna asked.

Severus nodded. "Like with myself and Hermione, Albus transformed Regulus into the one thing he knew could survive being on the verge of death when even taking him to Mungo's would have taken too long. Only for him, it was about surviving at all, while for us, it was hide us from key members of the Black family."

Hermione shared the fruit with Luna as they sat down by the river so Luna could remain near the water. "Why would he keep Sirius Black safe, if he knew he was the one that caused so much pain?"

"To keep an eye on him, of course," Luna said. "If Sirius truly believed Albus to be the fool, chances are he'd do something stupid eventually that would allow him to be caught or— maybe he did it so he could foil his actions. Like keeping Severus at Hogwarts as his trusted agent and placing him in as a spy to Voldemort. That way he was, undesirably to Sirius, protected by both sides. All in the hopes that Severus survived long enough for Hermione to grow back into her power again and the forest restored to protect itself as well as those that rely on it."

Severus shook his head. "Before I could remember, I wondered why you saw some things so clearly and ignored certain other things that most people considered obvious."

Luna smiled. "I thought like a naiad," she said. "I still do."

Severus and Hermione exchanged glances. Hermione smiled. "Of course you do."

Luna sprawled on the bank with her feet in the air and her chin on her hands as she dug her elbows into the soft riverbank. "You know, Harry is probably feeling really confused right now. He's lost the best mate he thought he had, the godfather he thought he knew, the family he thought was perfect, and the female friend he thinks he blew up."

Hermione tilted her head, her mane half covering her face. "I'm not sure how I feel about Harry right now," she confessed. "He was dealt a very bad turn of the leaf, but he also walked straight into the devil's snare and wonders why things do not go well for him."

Luna tapped her fingers on a wet rock and sighed. "I understand, I think. My life has been short. I see things as a human would even when I also see things as Wildkin would. That was my parent's gift to me, to bridge and balance the two worlds, only it didn't work out as well as it could have since my mum died before she could tell me what I was and how to tell the difference between one world and the other."

Luna smiled at them both. "Imagine how much you would cling to something that seemed so perfect in comparison to where he started in life, never realising that there was something far better just around the corner."

Severus closed his eyes. "Lily."

Hermione stared into the water, watching it ripple and rush. "Ron."

They both shuddered simultaneously, shaking their heads. Hermione snuggled into Severus as he wrapped his arms around her, pressing his face into her mane.

Hermione nodded her head. "Alright."

"He deserves better than what he was given," Severus admitted quietly. "I know how that feels, at the very least."

"Some things he did hurt me, but—" Hermione leaned into Severus, seeking the comfort of his warmth. "He wanted a family more than anything— that piece of his life he knew was missing. I think he clung to Ron so tightly because he was his living connection to the family he always idolised. After meeting the Dursleys, I can sympathise. Truly."

"I knew Petunia as a child— and she was no saint even back then. I can only imagine what sort of walking horror she married and what kind of child would come of such a union." Severus shook back his mane and snorted in derision.

Hermione touched the river with one finger, dragging it through the cool watery surface. "I think his aunt punishes him for a choice she made long before he was even born, and his uncle punishes him for reminding him of his father, with whom he hated. There are other things, too," she said thoughtfully, "but everyone in that family wants someone to blame other than themselves. Harry is the one thing they can all agree to hate."

"I _will_ say that his father did leave very strong opinions on all those he met. One way or another," Severus said. "That his son looks like so very like his doppleganger does not help. Even Black— I often heard him calling Mr Potter by his father's name and nicknames when we were forced to cohabitate by Albus."

Hermione took in a deep breath and squeezed Severus' hand. "We got our second chance at life. Perhaps, we can give Harry his first _real_ chance."

Severus, pulling Hermione against him as he tucked her head under his chin, skillfully avoiding getting tangled up between her antlers and his horns, closed his eyes. "I believe that is fair."

Luna splashed them both with river water and grinned. "Who's for fresh blueberry tarts?"

Hermione bounced excitedly. "Ooo me!"

Severus looked skyward. " _Females_."

* * *

"Molly Weasley, we the Wizengamot find you guilty of intentional mind-altering magic for personal and familial gain," the acting Chief Warlock Ogden announced sternly as he read off a large scroll. Rectangular spectacles slid down his nose and he had to push them back up as he read. "You are to serve a term in Azkaban of no less than the full number of years the illegal coercive magic was being used to influence Albus Dumbledore's judgment in favour of your family. For the crime of interfering with the mandated treatment of your youngest son, Ronald Weasley, via the introduction of tampered sweets, the additional time of five years will be added to your sentence with consideration of good behaviour due to the apparently unintentional nature of the offence."

" _ **No!**_ It's not _**right!**_ "

"Mr Weasley, you are out of turn!"

" _ **Screw**_ your out of turn, that's my _**mum!**_ She's _**never**_ hurt anyone!" Ron's body then shuddered violently and he transformed into a habitat-displaced giant squid.

Tentacles went sprawling everywhere as Ron made a distorted gurgling noise, flipping desks, chairs, people, and—

" _ **OH MERLIN, IT LOOKED UP MY ROBES!"**_ A red-faced witch screeched in total mortification. The witch started casting spells to zap the tentacles near her.

Suddenly, the giant squid shuddered and its body transformed again— into a pudgy, brassed-off Swedish Short-Snout dragon. It coughed out a brilliant blue flame and set many chairs on fire. The dragon's tail lashed wildly and sent members of the Wizengamot tumbling over each other to get out of the way. Aurors rushed forward, wands brandished as the dragon transformed into a pygmy jerboa, bringing them all to a stunned halt as they stared at the tiny creature peering nervously up at them, its giant furry ears twitching cutely.

It dashed away, under debris, tables, legs, and everything in-between, making a beeline towards the exit.

If Ronald Weasley was conscious inside each dramatic shift, no one but he could have said so. If he had a plan, his family remained utterly oblivious. Even though all the focus had shifted to him over his mother, his mother seemed increasingly desperate to get to him.

" _ **Ron, no!"**_ she wailed.

Ronald, however, transformed again, the tiny rodent expanding and seemingly exploding into another form: a great Portuguese man-of-war.

People scrambled out of the way of the stinging tentacles, stumbling over debris and each other, not even noticing that without water, the man-of-war was hardly moving anywhere. However, the creature shuddered again, this time changing into anthropomorphic red-furred stoat.

This time, the Aurors were on the move, and the pointed their wands simultaneously at the furry offender.

" _ **No, not my Ron!"**_ Molly wailed again, rushing forward to block them.

"Mrs Weasley, no! Watch out for the ring!" Harry cried, lunging forward try and block her from stepping right into the faerie ring that had sprouted right out from the boards making up the floor— in fact, there seemed to be places where the wooden planks from the floor had been transformed into something _alive_ , becoming a mass of real vines and roots.

Molly, however, was desperate to block Ron from being attacked by Aurors and shoved Harry to the side—

 _ **Shhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh-FOOOM!**_

The faerie ring exploded as Harry tumbled into it, its magic concentrating and them catching Harry in the blast as the ceiling came crashing down.

Green magic surged forward, blazing through the chambers as Hermione and Severus stood together in the middle. Hermione had her arms crossed in front of her, palms flat and pointed down. Severus' were angled down to meet hers, palms touching. Their combined magic blazed bright green as the sounds of the forest filled the room.

" _Wild Magick_

 _Hear our plea._

 _Stay your anger,_

 _And let them flee._

 _Magick is_

 _As Magick does,_

 _But does not punish_

 _Just because._

 _Stay your rage,_

 _And give them life—_

 _A second chance_

 _Without the strife."_

The roar of the magic flowed out of the room like the rush of water down a roaring waterfall. The room was filled with bright streamers of magical energy as the chambers first glowed like a beacon and then suddenly went black as night.

* * *

Amelia Bones stood in the middle of what was the Wizengamot's chambers and let out a soft sigh of wonder. The chambers had been changed drastically from top to bottom. The ceiling , where it had fallen, was now being supported by the trunks of massive tree trunks. The seats, or rather where they had been, were now carved into stone seats that were, in turn, grown over by vines. The vines, however cradled bowls of soft mosses and lichens as well as soft grasses making for the softest seats any in the Wizengamot had ever known.

The ceiling opened to the sky, yet the trees had woven themselves into a perfect canopy for the seats, curved subtly to allow any rain to pool into the most impressive mirror pool in all of Britain. The sky reflected on the surface in perfect detail, the surface so perfect that one felt they could just walk right into it.

A glittering faerie dragon flew in playful loop-de-loops around her, brushing by her with velvet soft wings. Amelia reached out, and the dragon landed on her arm and shuffled over to her shoulder, snuggling up to her neck.

Amelia's lips twitched as she rubbed the tiny dragon under the chin. "Hello there, little love," she said, her eyes warm and sparkling. "Thank you for bringing me in to your little secret, hrm?"

Hermione chirred and rubbed against her cheek, radiating pure happiness.

"Just had to go and save everyone," Severus said, rubbing one leg with his hoof, "again."

Hermione bobbed her head merrily.

"Technically, you _both_ did," Amelia pointed out. "How does it feel to have an entire Wizengamot owing you a debt of secrecy, hrm?"

Hermione purred.

"You're insufferable, Hermione," Severus said with a sniff, crossing his arms. "Making friends wherever you go."

Amelia chuckled. "Is there really anything wrong with having friends in all places?"

Severus wrinkled his nose in mock distaste. "Hn."

"I'm sure you're not one to talk, Severus," Amelia said. "Considering you have most of the unmarried witches in the Wizengamot wanting to pet you."

Severus turned red. "I am _**not**_ available!"

Amelia chuckled, rubbing Hermione's headfrill. "Neither is Hermione, but she seems quite content to accept a good head massage."

Severus stomped a hoof impatiently. "That is _different_."

Amelia, amused by her own teasing, just grinned, allowing Severus to try and gather whatever shreds were left of his dignity before he tripped over it and made it even worse. Hermione, not to be outdone, stuck her prismatic tongue out at him even as she enjoyed the absolute _best_ head massage of her entire life.

Severus looked on, a pang of jealousy causing his eyebrow to twitch. Whether it was jealousy for the head rub or the thought that someone _else_ was making his mate happy remained to be seen.

Amelia sighed. "So, will you tell me what you think about adopting the infantilised Mr Potter, seeing as he has been given a rather drastic new lease on life as a faun fawn?"

Hermione chirred, headbonking Amelia.

Severus closed his eyes and shook his head. "As as much as the boy did not ask for Molly Weasley to shove him into a faerie ring, perhaps he will have a better life without the spectre of his past hanging over him. Have you confirmed he's not conscious inside his current shape?"

Amelia nodded. "I've had Unspeakables performing every sort of test they can think of, but the consensus seems clear. Harry Potter is for better or worse, a faun, and if the sheer amount of mischief he's managed to cause in my Department offices is any indicator, he seems far more carefree than before. If it is, as you say, Wild Magick's judgement of his heart, then perhaps he truly wished to be free of his past."

Hermione jumped off Amelia's shoulder and transformed into her dryad self, gently tending some of the new flowervines that had taken over the Wizengamot's chambers. "Fauns are good at forgetting," she said with a smile.

Severus scowled. "We remember things."

"Some things," she teased. "When properly bitten about the nose."

Severus crossed his arms. "Hrrumph."

Hermione wrapped her arms around him and bounced, kissing him on the nose with just a tiny click of her teeth.

Severus grumbled but caught her mouth with his, giving her a tender kiss— in front of a witness.

Amelia chuckled.

"And Molly Weasley's fate? Or her son's?" Severus asked, curious.

"Or Rita Skeeter," Hermione chuckled. "I don't imagine she'd ever pictured herself as a manatee."

"Pity she just had to hitch a ride on Potter's collar at that particular moment." Severus' lips curved into a smug smile. "The Americans wish to use her to help rebuild the species in their Everglades. She'll get all the sand and sun she'd ever wanted and all kinds of fame besides."

Amelia tried to stifle a grin of her own, but didn't quite manage it.

"She was a very cruel person who greatly enjoyed causing the pain and discomfort of others," Hermione said. "She made up many a mean-spirited story, and even more sadly, people chose to believe her."

Severus rubbed Hermione's shoulder gently, sensing that some memories, just like his, were much too powerful to ever forget. She leaned into him, smiling as she took comfort in his presence.

"We knew that Ms Skeeter had somehow broken in to many places and stolen or overheard things she should never have had access to, but we were unsure how. She never managed to get into the Department of Mysteries, thank goodness for the wards, but the rest of the Ministry was not as paranoid as we were. Alastor had been trying to get the Ministry to allow them to ward up the Office of Magical Law Enforcement, but Fudge insisted that the offices be open and welcoming to the public. He may— decide to reconsider that policy soon."

Severus sniffed. "So, tell me, Amelia," he rumbled. "If non-humans have no rights according to Wizarding law, how exactly would this adoption even go through?"

Amelia's lips tugged into a smile. "That was before certain truths about the end of Voldemort came into the light and you managed to save the entire Wizengamot from being destroyed by Wild Magick backlash. Oh, and the Pensieve memories of one Sirius Black, Regulus Black, and Rodolphus Lestrange."

"Rodolphus?" Hermione asked.

"He, much like Regulus, had been forced into taking the Mark via family magic," Amelia said. "And he, like Regulus, was freed when the main focus of that magic was— taken out of the picture and their own, true natures were allowed to surface once more."

"True remorse," Severus said.

"True regret," Hermione said.

Amelia nodded. "But you, my friends, area budding members of the very first Division of Wildkin under the Department of Mysteries. And— I think you will understand and approve of the chosen liaison between the Department and the Division: Xenophilius Lovegood. He has even brokered his first mutual"

Hermione's grin spread across her entire face as she bounced on her hooves and clapped with obvious delight. "That's wonderful!"

Severus rolled his eyes, but Hermione kissed his cheek. He mumbled something about duress. "Fine," he muttered. His eyes rolled back as Hermione rubbed his ears with her fingers. He kicked his leg a few times involuntarily, his tail flicking wildly.

As his senses came back to him, he stiffened, trying to regain his composure as Hermione and Amelia pretended he succeeded. "Fine, we will take the fawn faun off your hands," he said in the same tone as one might discuss muddy boots being dragged across a pristine floor. His eyes, however were entirely absent of the scorn he normally had in regards to one Harry Potter or any of the Potter bloodline starting with James.

Hermione bounced, doing a little dance, and the room burst into blooming flowers that spread all over trees, vines, and grass. "Our twins will have a big brother!" she exclaimed happily, rubbing her belly as she did another dance, twirling.

Severus froze, his head turning oh-so-slowly to regard his mate.

"Congratulations!" Amelia said, patting them both on the shoulders.

Severus proved that he could, in fact, turn a shade more pale as he did his best fainting goat impression, hooves splayed in the air in a very undignified sprawl as he lay, dazed, in a supine position.

"Aw, he's sleeping," Hermione said whimsically.

Amelia chuckled. "No, my dear, I think he's quite stunned."

"Well, he _**is**_ quite stunning in the moonlight," Hermione confessed rather dreamily.

Amelia snickered into her palm. "He is indeed."

* * *

 _ **Daily Prophet Posts Reward For Information Leading to the Whereabouts of Missing Reporter, Rita Skeeter**_

 _The Daily Prophet is offering a five hundred galleon reward for information leading to their star reporter after she disappeared last month after promising her boss, Sampson Smithers III, that she was going to come back with the story of her life._

 _Rumour has it she was covering the closed Wizengamot session regarding the trial of Molly Weasley, but as to how she would accomplish this, no one seems to know as she was not invited to the proceedings. The Wizengamot stated that no one of Rita Skeeter's description was at the hearing, and the Daily Prophet is willing to pay an extra five hundred galleons for her safe return._

* * *

 _Daily Prophet withdraws their reward offer after some prankster warped in and filled the entire Prophet building with sea water and filling it with all manner of North American sea-life ranging from alligators to porpoises and manatees. To make matters even worse, a clandestine ecological group known as Magizoologists For All Creatures transformed the entire building into a transparent (actual) aquarium complete with suitable habitats. Due to international treaties with various countries, the displaced animals had to be allowed to live, and negotiations are underway to decide if the Daily Prophet will now be Wizarding Britain's first public aquarium or if the Prophet will pay for transporting all the sealife back to the oceans around North America._

 _Due to the rarity of some of the animals, much consideration is being made as to the ramifactions of having so many endangered species under one roof, but some officials are entertaining the idea of participating in global breeding programs with Muggle counterparts._

 _As for why some person or persons decided to magically transport a chunk of the ocean to the Daily Prophet in a presumed attempt to claim the reward for Rita Skeeter, no one seems have any idea._

" _Obviously if Rita Skeeter were in that mess, she'd have transformed back when we did the dispelling for magic," Daily Prophet employee Darcy Dowler told interviewers. "It's my job to scan all incoming mail for Dark or hazardous magic, and that includes transfiguration, so if she was in there, we'd have found out!"_

 _Reactions to Rita Skeeter's disappearance have ranged from sadness for the loss of entertainment value to profound relief. Aurors reported they will be going through her things in the hopes of finding a clue as to what happened to her._

* * *

 _Auror Memo_

 _From: Kingsley Shacklebolt_

 _To: Aurors, All_

 _Rita Skeeter is wanted for use of an unregistered Animagus form for illegal activities, and she is to be arrested on sight and fitted with a magic suppression band. You are authorised to use spells without warning or identification on sighting of her. No questions asked._

* * *

 _Private Owl to Amelia Bones, Head of the Department of Mysteries_

 _Amelia,_

 _I put out the memo as requested, but you'll have to understand I can barely keep a straight face. A manatee? Really? Wild Magick is really something, but I can't help but think it was utterly fitting. I owe you a dinner and you owe me a drink. Let's meet up._

 _Kingsley_

 _P.S. you need to come and help me scrape Alastor off the floor. He hasn't stopped laughing since he heard, and I'm pretty sure he's lost all the oxygen to his brain because he's been singing rather lewd drinking songs in Gaelic mixed with Dutch and professing his undying love to a certain tabby cat Animagus and her shapely, childbearing hips. Frankly, it's pretty painful to hear._

* * *

 _ **Some time later…**_

* * *

 _(Posted on Bulletin Board in Department of Mysteries and Auror Office)_

 _You are cordially invited to the wedding of:_

 _Alastor Moody_

 _And_

 _Minerva McGonagall_

 _Where: Hogwarts_

 _When: This Saturday (scrawled in quill) Oh, come on, you_ _ **all**_ _knew this was coming, it's not like we didn't have time to prepare like three years ago!_

 _Seating starts at 4pm. There will be a traditional Scottish supper and a_ _cèilidh_ _after._

* * *

Severus and Hermione walked amongst the passed out revelers. Severus rubbed his horns and blew hair out of his face. "And they claim fauns and saytrs are the ones that party too hard."

"Scots make the drunken and shameful centaur celebrations from the olden days actually seem tame," Bane observed, tail flicking in amusement. He sipped some of Hermione's special brew she had made for the Wildkin that had none of the shameful after-effects.

Moody was passed out, sprawled with his back leaning up against a tree trunk, Minerva draped over his head in all her tabby cat glory. Both were drooling and snoring quite loudly

"I have a feeling someone may have managed to spike the wedding punch," Severus speculated as Hermione's eyes widened at the sight of so many normally dignified people in various states of mortifyingly hungover embarrassment.

"I wasn't aware that the Headmaster drank," Hermione whispered.

"We do _**now**_ ," Severus said, eyebrow twitching. "I could have gone my entire immortal life having not seen him in lavender underpants."

Hermione touched the nearby bush and pet it frantically, causing the shrub to grow really large in an attempt to cover the Headmaster's dignity— or what he had left of it.

Severus pinched his nose and rubbed his eyebrows as Harry bolted by them giggling hysterically as he shook his rattle made of antler and gourd.

Severus shot Hermione a look just as a smaller faun fawn and a baby dryad squealed in delight and chased their big brother— followed by a small herd of centaur foals. They took turns decorating the passed out revelers with flowers and plants, making crowns out of vines and various other found items.

Hermione just shrugged. "We were once that age too, love."

"I did not at any point decorate drunken revelers with plant material," Severus objected.

"That's only because we didn't _have_ any drunken revelers to decorate," Hermione said cheekily, stomping her hooves with a playful tappity tap.

"Harumph," Severus replied, turning his chin up.

"Daddy, daddy!" the little dryad said, tugging on his curly leg fur. "Harry and Silas found something really funny!"

Severus arched a brow at his spawn. "Oh? And what would that be, Thea?"

She tugged on his leg again, drawing him in a direction. Severus gave Hermione a look, and she smiled at him, chuckling.

Severus patiently followed his daughter to the edge of the forest, thinking that she'd found yet another drunken casualty. He stopped in mid step, his hoof hanging in the air as his eyes grew wide. "Hermione—"

Hermione quickly trotted up, curious. "What is it, Seve—" Her voice trailed off as she bumped right into him.

"Please… Obliviate me," Severus whispered.

Hermione gaped openly as she saw the rear end of a sheep, the nude torso of a very thin female, and the head of a giant red squirrel sporting a pair of enormous spectacles sitting on its muzzle.

" _ **Professor Trelawney?!"**_ Hermione squeaked shrilly.

"Please, for the love of Merlin, my wife," Severus moaned. "Obliviate me. _**Now.**_ "

The two fawns tugged at Trelawney's ears as the little dryad tugged on the witch's woolly sheep posterior.

"Doesn't she look _funny_ , daddy?" Thea asked, giggling. She placed a large wreath composed of ripe berries and bright wildflowers over Trelawney's rear end.

Severus twitched as Hermione attempted to gather her words into something coherent, but she ended up settling for a stream of soft babble.

The sprogs bounced up and down excitedly, tugging, decorating, and even bouncing on top of Trelawney's transformed mess of a situation.

"That," Severus said with a scowl, "is not welcome in our forest."

Hermione peeked through her fingers that were covering her eyes. "What shall we do with her?"

"Burn her."

"Severus!"

Hermione elbowed her mate causing him to grunt.

"It's traumatising our sprogs."

Hermione looked, watching her children bounce up and down on Trelawney. "No, no I don't think they are traumatised at all."

"Well, I am!" Severus hissed.

Trelawney woke, spying the little fauns and dryads standing on her wooly legs. She screamed. "Get these _**things**_ off of me!" she screeched.

Harry, Thea, and Silas plastered their ears down against their heads, drooping. They practically slithered to hide behind their mum and dad as Hermione and Severus seemed to grow taller, green Wild Magick responding to their anger in defence of their beloved sprogs. The broken and wilted mushrooms from the faerie ring rejuvenated, sprouting into larger glowing fungi as a surge of the Wild focused around the transformed witch.

The magic surged and blasted Trelawney into the air and towards the lake where she landed with a very undignified splash on top of a baffled giant squid. Yet, on contact, Trelawney's body shuddered and quaked, and her wolly posterior grew tentacles. She thrashed about as her entire body shifted from bottom to top, taking the form of Black Lakes second giant squid…

The original Black Lake giant squid wrapped its tentacles lovingly around the second squid and absconded with her down to the depths of Black Lake with a sploosh.

Hermione and Severus, recovering from their conjoined anger at the insult to their sprogs, replaced rage with a touch of horror.

Harry, Thea, and Silas, however, bounced up and down, squealing, "WICKED! MUMMY, DADDY DO IT AGAIN!"

Hermione and Severus slumped, pinching the bridge of their noses together. "What are we going to tell Dumbledore?" Severus bemoaned.

Firenze and Bane walked up, each eating an apple. "After this wedding celebration, my friends, just tell him the truth."

"And what truth would that be, exactly?" Severus asked.

Bane offered the sprogs some apples, which they took happily. "The giant squid is no longer lonely."

Hermione and Severus eyed the Black Lake together. "Mmm...kay," they said together.

Firenze smiled. "And the Divinations position is free for some overhaul and new blood, hrm?"

"Who would want that position?" Severus asked, lip curling. Hermione shuddered at the mention of divination.

Bane pushed Firenze forward with his shoulder. "Oh, I could think of someone who happens to be quite good at reading the stars and planets."

"Oo, oo!" the sprogs cheered. "Can we come too! We love Firenze's stories!"

"Whoa there, my wee sprogs," Hermione chided. "You're a little young for Hogwarts, officially."

"Awwww," they said, ears drooping.

Firenze smiled. "Besides, you all get the full lessons with the foals at night."

The trio grinned and bounced in agreement.

"By the time you get to Hogwarts, all of the skies shall already be open to you," Firenze said, ruffling their manes of hair with amusement.

"Uncle Bane," Harry asked, placing his hand on Bane's leg.

"Hrm, yes child?"

"Can we fish with you today?"

Bane rubbed his chin with his fingers in thought. "Hrm, I don't know. Your parents may not approve of it." He winked at Hermione.

"Awww pleassssseeee!" the sprogs bounced up and down in circles around their parents.

"Hnn," Severus said. "I don't know. Some lazy sprogs did not clean up their sleeping bowls this morning and left the Home Tree messy.

The trio dashed off in a hurry towards the Home Tree to rectify the situation.

Bane and Firenze laughed, clapping Severus and Hermione on the back. "It is good to have you back in the forest, brother, sister."

Luna walked by pulling an airborne jellyfish by a tentacle like a human would tug a balloon. She sipped punch from the wedding punch bowl as she walked. "I need to find myself a mate, I think. I wonder if I could convince Neville to step into a faerie ring and try his luck, or maybe he'd turn into a salmon. That would be pretty unfortunate. I suppose I could be like mother and take a human mate. It worked well enough for daddy." She sauntered off, humming to herself.

Bane, Firenze, Severus, and Hermione all exchanged glances, rubbing their heads in mutual confusion just as the trio of trouble galloped back in and pounced their father.

"Everything clean!" they announced. "Can we fish now? Can we can we can we?!"

Hermione's lip twitched. "I don't know, can you?"

"MAY we!" they all chimed together.

The adults all exchanged amused glances.

"I suppose," Hermione said. As long as Bane and Firenze don't mind.

The trio gave the two centaur exceedingly adorable round eyes of pleading.

Bane grunted. "I suppose." He bowed his head to Severus and then Hermione as he herded the trio in front of him towards the centaur encampment.

Hermione cocked her head to the side as she eyed Black Lake. "I hope you can cover the windows in the Slytherin dormitories. Otherwise they might be in for the sight of unexpected cephalopod reproduction."

Severus' leg twitched involuntarily, causing his hoof to stomp. "I really didn't need to think about that."

Hermione rubbed his nearest ear comfortingly. "Oh, my love. There are far better things to think about than what you don't want to think about."

Severus eyed Hermione doubtfully.

Hermione pulled out a photograph of an obviously inebriated, passed out Alastor Moody with the new Madam Moody draped over his face. "Like where to post _this_ and so many more photographs for maximum mischief."

Severus' mouth twitched and then curved into a mischievous smile. "I'm sure Amelia would be more than delighted to help with this latest endeavour."

"That's my mate," Hermione said, leaning in to give him a kiss.

He scooped her up close to him and returned her kiss with interest just as she wriggled out of his embrace and bounced off into the forest, leaving a trail of growing and blooming plants in her wake.

Severus tore off after her, determined to prove that she wasn't the only Wildkin with hooves in the forest.

* * *

Ronald Weasley sat at a small corner table in the Ministry canteen, the hood of his robes covering up his furry donkey ears and shading his protruding buck teeth. He waited, patiently, for his mother to join him during one of the few times he was allowed outside the Ministry school program. After a few years, he'd come to realise much of what he had taken for granted at Hogwarts as a "free" individual, and even though he had completed his education, he was serving out the rest of his sentence by helping other children that had been in similar situations.

Due to his physical deformities, he rarely ever showed his face outside the Ministry, and even then he tried to keep his head down. It was only because of his good behaviour that he was able to take his meals in the Ministry cafeteria instead of in the school facility. His mother, thanks to being on her very best behaviour, had been allowed (under Oath to not to use magic in any way with her cooking) to complete her sentence via community service at the Ministry cafeteria and be allowed to have a small room in the Ministry— even if it was under high security.

Much to Ron's surprise, she actually seemed to enjoy her work, and the relief of not being back in Azkaban seemed to do wonders for her tattered sanity. Being parted from her children and husband had also seemed to give her some perspective on what her actions had led to, and the both of them would commiserate together daily on what had brought them to sitting at a small cafe table in the Ministry instead of being at the Burrow.

Ever since the event at the Wizengamot, the Ministry was bustling with Wildkin mixed with humans. Centaurs walked the halls, sprites flitted from place to place, and the wild had grown into the very halls. Even so, Ron didn't like showing his ears and teeth— he didn't want to be taken as one of _them_. He remembered a time when he didn't have long floppy ears and donkey teeth. And while all his other mutations seemed to have left him, those two did not, almost as if they were taunting him with some mystery as yet unsolved.

His changes hadn't been because he wanted them. He hadn't been born into them. He hadn't been "gifted," no. His were a curse because if he did something mean or remotely vengeful, they would spread to other areas of his body and forcibly remind him that he was being, quite literally, a jackass.

At least, he thought, he didn't look like a naked mole-rat anymore, well, except when he got—

Ron sighed.

Still, he did have his life, however sour and uncomfortable it had become, but things were slowly getting better, even if it really couldn't get much worse.

He watched a young faun, a smaller faun, and a young dryad playing in the fountain in the main atrium just outside the cafeteria. They looked school age, but it was so hard to tell with Wildkin.

Ron rubbed his eyes. Life on the inside was getting to him, he realised. He could have sworn that the older faun looked a little like Harry as a younger kid. He blamed the mop of black hair.

Molly sat down at the table, placing a loaded tray of food in front of him. Onion soup, a bacon buttie, chips, and her homemade pickles, even a slice of banoffee pie. It was odd having home-cooked food at the Ministry, but he had to admit his mum knew her way around a kitchen, and she knew how to cook for many mouths most of all.

"How are you doing, Ron?" his mum asked quietly, sipping her tea.

"Fine, mum," he replied. It wasn't a lie, really. He was starting to respect what he did have, even if he grumbled about what he didn't.

"You're taking care of yourself?"

"Yes, mum," he replied, giving her a smile as best he could.

Molly took his hand and smiled. "Arthur tells me you'll be out soon."

Ron nodded. The thought of being out in the world scared him despite his desire to have more freedom. The truth was, the life he had now had rules that made it easy to know whenever you mucked something up. He knew the "real" world wasn't so forgiving. Shades of grey were everywhere, and you were expected to know the difference between right and wrong without being told. He should know— that's what landed him where he was right now.

That old, family artefact of the Black family had been the turning point in his life. He had chosen to take it and use it, albeit with different intentions than what had actually happened, and he had transformed his professor into a beast-man, blown up a classroom, and— he _still_ didn't know what had happened to Hermione. No one would say, or no one knew. Either way, he figured it had to be pretty bad.

He heard the whispers—

The faerie rings had come after his accident at Hogwarts. They had, mostly, ended with his and his mother's incarceration. It didn't take much pondering to put those particular events together, and he had pondered it a lot. Part of him had even wished a faerie ring would show up again so he could throw himself into it and be something that didn't think again.

It had taken over a year for the effects of his mother's tampered sweets mixed with his faerie ring transformations to unravel, and he'd had to drink many foul potions and suffer through hours of incantations to even do that. His healers had thought it was a miracle he was even partially human in appearance, donkey ears and teeth or not.

As he watched a gaggle of little kids join the young creatures in the atrium and play, he thought of the last time he had seen Lavender— belly swollen with child and with 3 little ones clinging to her. Her husband apparently worked somewhere in the Ministry, though he had no idea who. He hadn't talked to Lavender since the incident that had sent her screaming through the halls of Hogwarts. He tried to hold the look of her grotesquely swollen belly in his mind to avoid thinking of her in any other way lest he have a relapse into being a naked mole-rat… again. His healers had offered him a potion to reduce the chances of that happening again, but— he couldn't help but think that was even more unnatural.

Might as well be a eunuch— and that was even less manly than he already felt.

"You father visited," his mother said, interrupting his chain of thoughts.

"What he want?" Ron asked, drinking down his soup.

"Charlie was hurt," his mum said. "He had to floo out there to take care of him for a while."

"Oh," Ron said. "He does work with dragons," he said. "Amazing it didn't happen sooner. Even if he is careful."

Molly sighed, petting her own hands to comfort herself. He noticed she did that often to try and not freak out like she used to. Awkwardly, he put his hand on hers and squeezed it, trying to be comforting. She seems to appreciate it, giving him a warmer smile.

"You'll be out of here soon," Molly said, more to herself than to him.

He wasn't sure what gave her the idea he would be out soon, as no one had said anything to him. Somehow, his dad thought he was going to be out soon, but Ron didn't really feel as excited as his mother seemed to think he'd be. Again, the real world was less forgiving, and Ron had been living his life where he'd at least worked his way up into being somewhat respected working with his once fellow delinquents. He had a stipend, and he could afford to get things for himself from the Ministry shops— not that he did much.

"Naw, mum, I don't think I'll be going," he said, watching her eyes grow wide with panic.

"It's not what you think," he said, squeezing her hand. "I'm doing good stuff here. Working with kids that don't even have what I had growing up. Some of them are really messed up, and— I get it, you know. They get it that I get it. That means something."

Molly seemed to chew on this unknown side of her son. "Surely you want to be out of here? Not stuck here." The unsaid "like me" hung in the air heavily. Despite the fact she wasn't in Azkaban, Molly craved her freedom again.

But Ron—

He saw it just as more opportunities to screw up— freedom to do something even more stupid.

He'd heard that Sirius Black had been up for review before the Wizengamot after being extracted from the paintings at Grimmauld Place. Apparently his brother, Regulus, had done had enough of him streaking by every portrait, naked and howling.

Sadly, Sirius wasn't much better outside the painting than he had been inside, and he was deemed unfit to just cast into Azkaban, so Harry's godfather had been admitted into the Janus Thickey ward in St. Mungo's. Ron figured he'd had a real psychotic break and just succumbed to his imagined lycanthropy. It sure seemed that way. The Ministry wasn't taking any chances though and had fitted him with magic suppression in case Black was faking it just to turn into a dog and escape.

Ron had no idea what the truth was when it came to Sirius Black. He'd thought he was a hero back when he'd taken the artefact to reveal Snape as a demon— yet instead of that he'd turned Snape into a beastman, destroyed a classroom, and most likely killed his childhood friend— or disfigured her so badly that no one wanted to talk about it…

He wished Harry was around to talk to, sometimes.

There was the distinctive squeal of children, and Ron looked up to see some creature that looked like a horse for the top half and a long fish tail for the other spring out of the fountain and shower the odd goat children with water. Ron watched as the horse-thing rose up out of the fountain and took on a human form, scooping the three goat children up with his arms in a hug. "Come on, you lot. Luna is meeting us all for lunch with your Uncle Xeno."

The man turned back into the fountain and leaned in. "That means you too, Loire," he said.

A strange merge of child and fishtail leapt out of the water and landed in the man's arms, giggling hysterically as the man held him up in the way he used to watch his father hold Ginny when she wanted to tossed in the air and caught again. The fish tail disappeared into legs as the goat children swallowed the fish child into their group with welcoming laughs. They all ran forward to the large reception desk and peaked over it just barely. The old witch that sat at the desk pushed a bowl of chocolate wands and licorice snaps over to them. The children bit their lips together as they tried to decide which treat was best, each picking one carefully and thanking the lady at the desk. The elder witch smiled, handing them a guest tag, which magically affixed itself to each child's chest like a miniature octopus.

"Ol' Xenophilius said he's in the orange room today," the witch said. "Don't run, now. They just waxed the floors."

"Yes, ma'am!" the children said.

"Ma'am," the man said, taking a guest pass.

"Oh, don't you ma'am me, Neville Longbottom. I've known you since you were in diapers, and just because you grew into hippocampus doesn't change that. You tell Augusta she owes me lunch when you see her."

Neville laughed. "You still winning bets about how many colours you can turn that old Umbridge undoing all her hard work?"

The witch smiled wickedly. "It's worth it after what she put us all through during the war. Oooo that woman. You can barely call her a woman, that one."

Neville coughed. "Literally."

The elder witch smiled smugly. "Justice. Now she can't even look herself in the mirror, and that suits me fine. Hard to be all high and mighty pureblood jibber jabber when you look like a shrew upstairs and an ass downstairs, hrm?"

Neville choked a laugh. "You're a vengeful elder witch, Mrs Abbot, and I'm glad you're on our side."

The witch grinned. "Get along, now. You don't want to be late and give old Xeno another reason to saunter off and forget what he was doing."

"Ma'am," Neville said with a grin, watching Mrs Abbot puff at him for calling her ma'am again.

Neville and the children disappeared down the hall.

Suddenly the black-furred goat child ran back to the fountain and tossed in a found knut. The moment the coin hit the water it turned into a golden fish and swam into the fountain plants.

"Harry, come along now," Neville called from. "Spit spot."

"Yes, Uncle," the young goat child said rushing back to meet him.

Neville scooped him up as he jumped and carried him in one arm. The other two children pouted that they wanted a ride too.

"Ron, have you heard a word I said?" Molly asked.

"Whut?"

"What has you so focused, Ronald?"

"Mum, what 'appened to 'arry?" Ron asked. "Why doesn't he come round at all? I mean, why is Neville springing out of fountains and herding goat kids around."

Molly frowned. "They're fauns, Ron."

"Well they look like goats," Ron said. "But that goat kid was named Harry. Did he save a lot of them?"

Molly frowned. "Ron, during the trial he was—"

"So the names popular, yeah?" Ron said, assuming.

Molly twisted her napkin into a tight bundle. "They were trying to hurt you, Ron. The reason I'm in this whole mess is because when I tried to protect you, I pushed Harry out of the way."

"Wot? To save him right? Nothing wrong with that."

"It was to save _**you**_ , Ron. I wasn't thinking of Harry at the time. I was mad with— protective grief. I pushed him. Pushed him right into a faerie ring."

Ron paused. "So, that's his son there? That goat kid? Because you turned him into some kind of goat thing?"

"Faun, Ronald."

"You turned my best mate into a faun and he had baby goats?"

Molly scrunched up her face. "No, Ron. I'm saying that faun _**was**_ Harry. Harry Snape."

"Harry _**WHAT?!"**_

* * *

Bane trotted over to the home tree and tipped a small skin of water down around the roots before he knocked firmly on the bark. The bark shimmered and parted and then a young centaur filly zoomed out with a happy squeal, chased by none other than a mop-haired young faun.

"Hi daddy!" the filly him greeted as they galloped by.

Bane raised both brows, his lips puckering as his daughter barely had enough sense to greet him on her quest to be chased.

"They say the sweetest clover must be pursued with great fervour," Firenze said with a chuckle as he carried a sizeable basket of assorted foods. "Your filly seems to desire our young Harry to find her well worthy of the chase."

Bane sighed. "It has always been so. But I rather fear what the foals might look like. What if they only have two legs instead of four?"

Firenze snorted. "Do you really think only having two legs would be a handicap after all you have seen thus far?"

Bane shook his mane, snorting. "Not if our friends have anything to say about it."

Firenze smiled. "Oh, I'm sure they don't have to say much of anything. Magorian probably already has the foal details figured out, including number of legs, coat colour, and extra limbs if need be."

Bane sputtered. "My daughter will not be mated to the squid!"

"Well that would be awkward, considering he has a mate now anyway," Firenze noted.

Bane's eyebrow twitched. "A disturbingly sherry coloured and odiferous mate."

"Come now, brother," Firenze said. "River dolphins are a most glorious pink."

"Sherry is a libation, not something you should smell on squid," Bane said.

"True, but she does illuminate the lake at night with that soft glow."

Bane gave Firenze a look somewhere between exasperated and amused. "It doesn't help the foals like to stick a baby squid to their head and use it as a nightlight."

"They seem to enjoy it," Luna said as she jumped out of the river, her fish tail disappearing into legs. She carried a string of river fish on a line. "Hermione? Severus? Are you done snogging each other senseless? Can we come in?"

Muffled grunting came from inside the tree.

"You're a sodding faun, brother," Kander said as he trotted in from the brush. "If you are going to have the most glorious horizontal entertainment, at least do it where we can all enjoy the show."

"Kander, you incomprehensible git!" A pillow smacked into Kander's face followed by an apple to the head. Just as he was recovering from that, he was trampled by a young faun, a dryad, and a small herd of young centaur.

"Uncle."

"'Ullo, Uncle."

"Unc."

"Kander."

"Git Uncle."

Kander stared skyward, his body quaking with his laughter despite having been trampled.

Severus stepped out of the tree, eyes narrowing as he aimed a hoof to Kander's head. "You're lucky our children are no longer little." He stomped down mere centimetres from his brother's hard head.

"Someone had to teach the fauns to be fauns in this family," Kander replied, pulling himself up.

"My children are perfectly fine without having to learn the vulgar art of shagging anything that moves, thank you very much," Severus said with a sniff. "I would prefer they had some taste to make up for your severe lack thereof."

Kander made a stabbing motion to his heart but grinned at his brother.

"Kander," Hermione said as she walked by, leaning in to kiss his cheek. "How good of you to come. Manage to lose Sybill?"

Kander shuddered. "I have no interest in squid, Hermione. She has a mate."

"You have limits?" Hermione said coyly. "How nice to see that even you, dear Kander, have some things you will not shag."

Kander huffed, crossing his arms across chest. "I am not a barbarian."

"You just act like one," Severus said, giving him a shove towards the firepit. "Do make yourself useful."

Kander pouted dramatically but took the strand of fish from Luna and hung it over the fire pit as he started to work.

"Where is Neville, Luna?" Hermione asked.

"Quivering in fear," Severus quipped.

Bane and Firenze snorted, stomping their feet. "Still?" Bane asked.

"He handles the children just fine," Luna said, "but something about Severus makes him unable to shift completely into one form or another and he ends up in a rather awkward state of needing water on land or vice versa. Personally, I think it's because he swallows watersprites when he sleeps. They're known to cause random effects." Luna placed a kettle near the fire for tea. "He'll be here as soon as he manages to settle on a form."

"Maybe he would have been better as a land creature," Bane said. "At least then he wouldn't have to trade gills for lungs."

"But that would be much harder to cuddle with underwater," Luna said with a frown. "Besides, he makes a handsome hippocampus, and I get to ride him around the lake anytime I wish."

Severus' lip twitched. "How convenient for you."

"Where are your spawn, Luna? It's not like them to miss any event involving food," Firenze asked.

"Oh! They're with daddy today," Luna said. "He's taking them to the ocean to hunt beach-dwelling Crumpled Snorkacks."

"How fascinating," Severus said, his lip curling slightly.

Hermione bounced on her hooves and gave her mate a kiss as she walked by on her way to fetch something from inside the tree.

Severus eyed her with the same longing she always instilled in him until Firenze elbowed him, startling him out of it.

"Fauns," the two centaur said together.

"You'd think that infatuation would have worn off by now," Bane said, teasing.

Severus sniffed. "Does my mate seem like the type to become any less fascinating as time goes on?"

"Do any of ours, really?" Firenze said with a chuckle. "As long as they remain ever intriguing to us, does it truly matter?"

"I've loved her for centuries," Severus said with a sniff. It's not like it's changed at any point."

Kander snorted. "He's not kidding either."

Severus shot his brother a look. "At least _**I'm**_ not cruising for an STI," he shot out.

"A _**whaa**_?" Kander said with a confused blink.

"Never mind," Severus muttered, waving him off. "Just be glad that you're a faun."

"But I _**am**_ glad I'm a faun," Kander said, now completely baffled, tilting his head as he scratched his black hair into a spiky mess.

"Are you sure you weren't born blond?" Severus quipped.

Kander huffed.

Mrowl!

A silver tabby sauntered by, carrying a small basket of still warm shortbread biscuits fastened to her back.

" _ **Minerva!"**_ Hermione cried joyfully from inside the tree.

The sound of a feline being hugged with great enthusiasm came shortly after.

A perky-looking Scottish wildcat with twinkling blue eyes padded in after Minerva, a Dutch oven filled with bundles of steaming cabbage rolls floating serenely behind it.

Bane chuckled. "I never thought the Headmaster would be a cat. Maybe some sort of flamboyant tropical bird with crazy feathers—"

"A flamingo, perhaps?" Severus asked, idly picturing a bright pink long-legged bird sporting an equally long white beard.

"Amazonian royal flycatcher was my thought," Bane confessed.

"Since when do _**you**_ know what birds look like in the Amazon?" Firenze asked incredulously.

"Since Hermione dragged me into the library to look through bird identification books," Bane mumbled, flushing slightly under his dark skin.

"I think he's mellowed quite a bit now that Death has retrieved his tools of the trade," Firenze pointed out.

"Recovering from over a decade of being drugged via Molly Weasley's insidious little bon-bons certainly helped," Severus observed.

The centaurs nickered. "True."

Bane heaved up the spit he and Firenze had brought along with them and placed it carefully over the firepit, taking a moment to moisten the leafy wrappings before adjusting it to just the right position. "I will give the humans credit for once for releasing _**these**_ things into the forest. At least the feral boars are tasty and plentiful, and their meat can be cured and stored quite easily."

Severus chuckled. "At least they're edible and aren't trying to kill off the students and other denizens of the forest, unlike certain Acromantulas."

"Is it wrong that I actually miss watching the Whomping Willow punting spiders into the lake?" Firenze asked with a mischievous gleam in his eyes.

Severus stroked his chin scruff and smirked. "Point."

Hermione and Luna came out of the tree hollow, giggling together.

Severus eyed them both suspiciously, knowing that giggling dryad plus giggling naiad equalled trouble in nine out of ten forests. Add the Luna factor with a twister of Hermione's idle brain mischief…

Minerva padded out with a tiara of flowers perched on her feline head, and then Albus slinked out covered in a lush carpet of purple flowers, which even after shifting into his human form, didn't disappear.

Severus snorted before breaking down and laughing himself silly

Albus shot him a dark look, sighing. "At _least_ they are the right colour," he muttered.

"When are the others coming, Bane?" Hermione asked, putting a lei of flowers around his neck.

Bane eyed the flowers with considerable amusement. "I'm sure when the hog starts smelling like delicious, the others will fly out of the forest faster than a Ministry postal owl."

Luna smiled as she helped Hermione clear the leaf litter out from the well-cushioned mossy areas the Wildkin entertained their guests in. Every centaur had their own favourite mossy pitch on which to fold their legs and lie down and they were no exception to the other guests who pretty much did exactly the same. Minerva jumped up onto her mossy "throne" as Severus called it. It towered around the other places, putting her above everyone else with a bird's-eye view of the proceedings, where every feline worth their whiskers thought they belonged, at least if your name wasn't Albus.

Dumbledore, strangely fond of his newfound Animagus form— something he'd never bothered studying before all the drama with Molly Weasley had happened— preferred to be more down-to-earth and look upward rather than down upon everyone and everything. Much of the personality that Severus had found so very aggravating and Minerva had found so frustrating had disappeared after the effects of the tampered candy had finally left his elderly system. Ever since then, he'd switched to pear candies instead of lemon sherbets, not really having to say _why_. Everyone knew that if anyone had a reason to thumb his nose at those particular sweets, it was Albus Percival Wulfric Brian Dumbledore.

Along with the candy fixation, so, too, left the fixation on being the Master of Death, and Death having regained his tools had healed something in the old wizard too. Much as the stories said, the dead could not truly return in a way the living were. Even more surprisingly, Albus had made up with his younger brother, Aberforth, and the two were even civil to each other in public, which amazed quite a few old-timers that knew of the pair's rocky history.

By the time the hog started to truly "smell delicious" the centaur herd, the foals, the sprogs, and the almost-grown-in-betweeners had arrived to gather around the main fire. Food was passed from elder to youth and all around. Some of the foals had already paired up, which truly didn't surprise anyone, nor did the bond between certain foals and their faun or dryad childhood friends. Whether such youthful bonds would lead to mated pairs after a declaration of love and the Rite, however, no one could really be sure.

Betting, however, was bound to take place as everyone had their guesses, and some pairs seemed awfully strong. In fact, it was usually quite the topic of conversation during their gatherings.

Albus let out a shrill feline screech as he flew up into the air, his fur spiked like a porcupine as his emotions manifested through his fur.

"Oh! So sorry," one filly said, picking him up and cuddling him apologetically with a vice-like hug. She pet his ears, and the Scottish wildcat's eyes crossed in pure pleasure, his ears going to the sides, his fluffy tail unfloofing, and every bone in his body turned to rubber.

Minerva mrowled her amusement from her high "throne" perch, Albus' predicament having so perfectly illustrated the reason _why_ certain wiser and more experienced felines greatly preferred the higher perches.

The foals milled about the clearing, distributing food to the elders, and the one hugging Albus served him a heaping plate from the gathered foods that would have more than stuffed a human or centaur stomach, let alone a much smaller feline one. Albus seemed torn between enjoying the gratuitous hugs and shifting into his human for to start working on all the delicious food.

"The ginger beer is most excellent, Severus," Luna said, smiling joyfully at him. "It's even better when you drink it _with_ the pear cider."

Severus blinked as a centaur foal served him a large plate of food. "Harry, I see that you, Vetch, and Valerian have been quite busy smoking trout, hrm?"

Harry grinned. "Yes, father." The young centaurs with him sported matching grins, pumping their arms in approval and pride.

"Perfect flavour," Firenze said, sighing with pleasure. "You must have found some hickory bark during the morning dew."

The trio nodded with pride, grinning.

"You'll make excellent providers for your future mates," Magorian said as he plucked some fragrant roasted hazelnuts and forest fruits from a serving basket. He smiled knowingly, giving a wink to Firenze and Severus as the young faun and centaurs turned a rather fetching shade of red. "Thank you, Kander and Zephyr for the most tasty hazelnuts and fruit."

Kander rubbed Zephyr's shoulders and smiled. The breeze nymph nodded respectfully to the centaur herd's leader and the others.

"Careful, brother," Severus quipped. "Someone might think you actually found someone worth settling down with."

Kander flushed. "She's worth more than devotion."

The foals giggled amongst each other, tails flipping.

"You had better not leave her high and dry after a week, Kander," Severus warned his brother. "You'd have to teach at Hogwarts, and you'd have to escape the arrows of countless irritated centaur who happen to adore having a Aurae breeze nymph around to bless the forest with cool winds."

Severus eyed his brother. "Not to mention some of us related to you find it unconscionable how many living things you have broken in regards to their hearts and minds."

Kander pouted. "So it took me a few hundred years. Not all of us can know the one on first sight when we're barely a few decades old."

"Oh, but some of us have, so it seems," Hermione said with no little amusement, eying her oldest son and how the young faun's touch lingered on Clover's withers and how she gazed at him through half-veiled lids. She passed around a basket piled high with buttered yeast rolls and a served the foals a fruity wildberry punch that she had brewed in the special hollows in the tree.

"Both you and Severus brew the best drinks for both young and old," Bane said, sipping his drink, and we never have to worry about the embarrassing intoxication that human drinks provide in abundance."

Luna uncovered a basket with her homemade blackberry crumble and some custard. "This was mum's favourite pudding back in the day. I remember watching her make it when I was young." Hermione placed a hand on her shoulder in comfort, and Luna smiled at her. "It's okay. I think she would be happy knowing things did finally work out in the end."

"Excellent cabbage rolls, Albus," Kingsley said, the senior Auror practically buried alive in curious foals. "And your shortbread fingers are utterly marvelous as usual, Minerva."

Minerva mrowled, sprawling on her throne, having made short work of a small hoard of tattie scones, some tomato and spring onion salad, and the coveted curried deviled eggs.

"Looks like your eggs are a huge hit, Kings," Alastor said, grunting as he drank deeply from his flask. A trickle of the wildberry punch trickled down his chin, and he wiped it away with a grin.

"You know, when they said you had whisky in your flask, it seemed easier to believe than pumpkin juice," Kingsley observed.

"Naw," Alastor grunted. "I gave up whisky after I almost drank myself dead when 'ol snakeface finally bit it. I think I realised that celebration was a lot better when you were alive to spite the ones your survived over instead of dying in a ruddy gutter, drowning in your own vomit."

The old Auror sighed. "The wild places being back. The Wild Magick. The peace is back with it, yeah? Lot of things are better now when the hate is gone. My hate for you, Severus. It was based on acts you did while under the Darkest magic out there, and I didn't even notice. I can't even begin to forgive meself for that—"

Severus just shook his head. "It was what Black wanted you to think, Alastor. It's what he wanted _**everyone**_ to think. Lily thought it too, and she—" Severus frowned, but Hermione looped her arm around his and leaned into him. "I just hope that her spirit is content and that she knows the truth. She may have married a bloody wanker, but— they did, in the end, go out as the kind of people who would give up everything for their child."

Alastor nodded. "Aye, lad, but I'm sorry for my part in it all the same." He took a mouthful of the dandelion and wild mushroom salad, trying to catch one of the steamed fairy pods as it seemed to avoid him with preternatural speed and agility. "My thanks to the mares for this wonderful salad, I must say."

The mares nickered in approval, smiling.

The gathered enjoyed their food together, smiling and telling tales both epic and minor, but all seemed to truly enjoy each other's company.

Half of a ripe watermelon abruptly thumped down upon the ground, covering some of the foals in watermelon bits and seeds. They looked up to see a very guilty-looking phoenix trying to blend unsuccessfully into the tree canopy.

"Regulus, come down here and share the feast with us, you sodding fruit addict," Severus hissed.

The phoenix Animagus guiltily landed in the midst of them, changing into his human form, but he reached into his robes and enlarged a small basket that suddenly became enormous and was loaded with an epic haul of assorted candies and other treats from Honeydukes that had all the young foals nickering with excitement. Each foal twitched as they allowed the elders to pick whatever they desired first, then the moment each elder had a sweet, they dove in and distributed all the treats amongst each other equally.

A chocolate frog landed on Albus' furry head, and a young foal pounced on it, tackling both the frog and Albus in a barrel roll of equine nickering and laughter. Soon, Albus was once more being cuddled, but he looked more pleased than annoyed about the outcome.

Severus clapped Regulus companionably on the shoulder. "Good to see you, featherbrain."

"You too, goatlegs," Regulus replied with a cheeky grin.

"I'm glad you decided not to poison us with your pitiful inability to cook anything but burnt water."

Regulus sighed and confessed, "I will admit that I was never meant for cooking."

Amelia chuckled as she shook her head at them both. "I'm glad you are well, Regulus. We were worried there might be some lingering curse upon you due to how personally your brother's hate seemed to focus on you and everyone you cared for."

Regulus nodded. "Albus did me a real kindness in locking me into a phoenix form for as long as he did. I was far more help as a phoenix than I ever was as a man. No one suspects a phoenix of being a Death Eater, and even my own brother believed me dead. By the time I was out of it, I found the form so natural for me that it had become my Animagus form as well, though I will admit the luxury of a long soak in a tub was long overdue." Regulus eyed the pile of toasted wedges. "Merlin, Alastor, did you make your famous tattie scones? I _**love**_ you!" He then proceeded to stuff his face like a proper young pureblood gentleman.

The Scotsman just shook his head, chuckling.

"So _**this**_ is where you've been hiding yourself, dear brother," a familiar voice spat angrily.

The foals squealed in fright, diving for the shelter of the forest as the mares leapt up to form a wall of bodies to block the way. The centaur stallions all reared up threateningly. Severus and Hermione stood, their magic swirling around them like twin cyclones even as Kingsley, Alastor, Amelia tried to stand. Kander and his mate used their magic to make the clearing quickly grow over, protecting the young ones from the oncoming threat.

Suddenly, Luna stood in front of Sirius Black, her pale hair shining like the moon. "Mr Black. I've yet to give you a proper thank you for what you did for my mother."

Sirius, his wand lowered slightly in his confusion, furrowed his brows as Luna gathered him into a sudden embrace and planted a kiss directly on his mouth, a surge of watery magic swirling around her and him. Then she shoved him away from her, and he stumbled into a newly created ring of familiar yet strangely aquatic-looking mushrooms, but he tripped and only his neck and head landed inside.

The faerie ring surged with water, and Sirius Black's upper body convulsed and warped, twisting him into the very first donkey's arse for a head. The human rear connected to the ass' arse stumbled around blindly, crashing into trees and tripping over rocks, falling over many times.

" _ **Luna!"**_ Hermione gasped in surprise, though a tiny smile was threatening to spread across her face.

Luna just smiled serenely. "Sorry, I really meant to push him in all the way, but I miscalculated slightly. I know you kinda wanted to deal with him yourself, but—"

Hermione hugged Luna tightly. "Luna, you handled it perfectly."

The foals had started to come back, all of them poking the strange double-arsed creature that had once been Sirius Black. Kander and Zephyr let their magic return the forest back to how it had been before an intoxicated and spoiling-for-a-fight Sirius Black had turned up to try and ruin their happy celebration.

"How did he escape incarceration?" Severus asked, brows furrowed.

"Does it matter, my love?" Hermione said, putting a kiss on his nose. "I think his end was fitting."

Her mate's brows lifted and he cracked a genuine smile. "Justice."

Magorian, who gave the foals near him comforting pats and smiles, raised his glass to everyone, and they, in turn raised theirs. "To old friends regained and new friends made, the families of now and of the future, and to justice long in coming. May we all share the same stars forevermore."

The all saluted the elder centaur, taking a large swig from their drinks at once.

The green, living magic of the forest shimmered and glowed around them, sealing their Covenant.

 _Foop._

 _Poof._

 _Thruum..._

 _Fip!_

 _ **WHOOOOM!**_

A faerie dragon flew in loop-de-loops around a black pegasus as a phoenix sang, circling the clearing. The centaurs reared up and galloped away together as a silver tabby hitched a ride on Severus' back, her paws clinging around his neck. Regulus snatched up Albus and carried him off into the sky as Severus and Hermione took off. Luna cuddled the newly lynx-ified Kingsley, rubbing his velvety ears. He purred in clear approval. Alastor, looking suitably prickly as a porcupine, proceeded to lazily stuff his face with the unguarded leftover food. Amelia, finding herself quite hawkish, took to the air, letting out a raptor scream of joy as her wings carried her up and away, chasing the pegasus and the faerie dragon through the skies.

Meanwhile, the double-arsed half-ass set half of himself on fire in the embers of the bonfire and then plowed straight into a huge oak tree.

Harry, Silas and Thea all stared at the sad excuse for a creature and they crossed their arms in front of themselves looking very much like their father.

"Brother, do you think it will die? It has no mouth!"

Harry shrugged. "I feel like I should remember that man, before he was—" He rubbed his horns and frowned.

"That's okay, brother," Thea said soothingly. "There are much happier things to remember now."

Harry grinned. "I'll get my pipes. We can dance in the forest!"

"Okay!" This siblings scurried back to the Home Tree to get their instruments and join him in the best celebration they could think of and living life to the fullest.

And all was good once again in the Not-So-Dark-Forest, and so it would remain forevermore.

* * *

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* * *

 _Fin._

* * *

 **A/N:** Kharma is wild thing that will not be contained -9-1-1

 **Spiders:** _Psst, let them know we're infesting the next story!_

(Spider with bucket on head thumps into vase of flowers, falls back stunned senseless.)

 **Spiders:** _This way, Bucket!_

(Spiders scoop up the stunned spider and carry him off, whispering and giggling to each other.)

 **Spiders:** _Nini! See you soon!_

I hope you enjoyed the story. My thanks to my lovely betas for keeping me sane, and a big tin of shortbread fingers for The Dragon and the Rose for cracking that focusing whip to keep me from— _**SQUIRREL!**_ (dashes off)

(Dragon chases after crazy bird with a butterfly net.)


End file.
